


Inside the mind of darkness

by Toggs1313



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, F/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, SHIELD, did, psychiatric hospital
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 26,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24741865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toggs1313/pseuds/Toggs1313
Summary: Dr Thor comes to work for SHIELD hospital for the mentally ill. Here he meets an interesting bunch of collegues and patients.Each have their own story and I'll do my best to tell them :)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

(Mid November)

Thor pulled up to the gates of SHIELD’s home for the mentally ill, everything he had read or heard about the place made it seem pleasant enough. It wasn’t an expensive posh place that cost thousands and thousands of dollars a year but it was better than some of the other asylums out there. The patients were treated like human beings instead of burdens to the population and Thor had to admit that a place like that was somewhere he wanted to work.  
It was a new beginning for Thor, he had switched from being a private psychiatrist in a posh building in town to being a consulting doctor at the facility run by a certain N.Fury. When he had announced the news to his friends and family, they hadn’t quite understood why he wanted to give up such an employment and take this one but they remained supportive of his decision nonetheless.

He rolled down his window and smiled at the guard who stepped out of the small booth. The man didn’t seem all that friendly, he didn’t even offer a polite smile to which Thor had to admit it dampened his mood slightly.  
“Good morning,” Thor greeted happily, his perfect jolly smile in place, “I’m Doctor Thor Odinson, I’m-”  
“The new psychiatrist, yeah,” the man cut in rudely, “drive up to the main building, there’s an employee car park on the left, park there.”   
Before Thor could even thank the man he was back in his booth and pressed down on a button opening the large iron gates.  
Driving slowly up the slight hill, the building came into view. He had to admit it didn’t look anything like he had imagined. He expected a dark gloomy tall standing building, which was ridiculous since he had seen the photos online, instead he was met with a red brick building. He remembered reading somewhere that it had been built back in the early 20’s, it would have looked almost homely if not for the metal bars on all the windows.  
Thor parked his car and got out, he adjusted his scarf and closed his coat, the weather had gotten colder over the last few days. Thor reckoned that it would get colder by the day, maybe it would start snowing soon. His lips curled a little at the thought of snow as he headed towards the large double doors. Before entering he looked around for a brief moment, admiring the leafless trees that lined the long driveway and the green that went from the edge of the parking lot to the gates.

“Good morning, I’m Doctor Odinson,” Thor greeted as he stood before the front desk, hopefully this time he would get a more polite response.  
“Morning,” The man at the desk greeted as he looked up from his computer screen, “I’m Scott,” He added with a small smile.   
His eyes went back to the screen where he clicked and typed away a little, then giving another smile, turning his attention back to Thor.  
“Director Fury would like to see you before you get started,” He said as he motioned to a woman who waltzed over.  
“Morning Doctor Odinson,” She greeted as she held out a slender hand for him to shake.  
Thor took her hand and shook it, noticing how firm her shake was. Her smile was sharp as she looked him over before straightening slightly, more if that was even possible.  
“And you are?” He asked, raising a brow to the woman.  
She smirked, “Agent Romanov, head of security here at SHIELD,” She gave a nod to Scott then turned on her heel, “This way,” She called over her shoulder and led the way.  
It was quiet out here in the main building, a soft elevator music played quietly in the halls as the staff walked to their various destinations, it was all quite relaxing if Thor was honest.   
They walked down a long pastel yellow hallway, he watched the way Agent Romanov walked, filled with confidence and posture, a woman who knew what she had to do and where she was going.   
“Tell me,” She said, her voice cutting through the pleasant silence, “What brings you here to join our family?”  
Thor cleared his throat before answering, “Well, after several years of consulting in the busy city, I felt the need to change.”  
She nodded slightly clearly waiting for him to elaborate on the subject.  
“And I have heard many good things about this place, I wanted to give it a shot… I want to help,”  
Although he couldn’t see her face he could tell she was smiling or at least smirking. They remained silent until they arrived in front of a glass door with the words Director N Fury printed on it in thick black letters.  
“He may seem intimidating at first but really he is a teddy bear,” Agent Romanov said as she knocked on the door, “That is providing he likes you,” she added with a smirk.  
Before anyone answered she turned on her heel and headed off down the hall, Thor watched her then slowly turned his head back to the door. It opened and he came face to face with someone he was sure wasn’t Director Fury.  
“You must be Doctor Odinson, I’m Phil, Fury’s assistant” The man greeted as he removed his glasses from his nose, “Come in and take a seat, Fury will be with you in a moment,”   
Thor smiled politely and went over to the gray cotton couch. The room was absolutely silent except for the light sound of Phil scribbling away at something at his desk.  
All of five minutes must have passed before a thick wooden door opened and a dark skinned man stepped out. Thor wet his lips as their gaze met, he understood what Romanov had meant by her earlier statement.  
“Hello Doctor Odinson,” He greeted sharply, his voice dug into Thor’s being and for a moment he felt like he was back in highschool, waiting at the principal’s office after a school brawl.  
“Good morning Director Fury,” He offered with a pleasant smile as he stood from his sitting position and headed over to the man.   
They went into his office and Thor was offered a seat at the large wooden desk. He watched as Fury walked, his heavy footsteps sounding on the tiled floor before he took his place opposite Thor. Complete silence filled the air other than the only sound being the aged leather moving beneath Fury as he got comfortable. His piercing gaze didn’t leave Thor’s and for a long moment nothing was said.  
“First of all, Welcome,” Fury said although his voice didn’t seem all that welcoming.  
Thor nodded, his cheerful smile spreading over his lips.  
“When I received your CV I was a little surprised you wanted to come work for us,”   
Fury didn’t need to explain why he was surprised, Thor was a reputed psychiatrist and had some important patients in the city.  
“I suppose I should be completely honest with you,” It seemed like a very good thing to do, Fury didn’t look like the sort of person to appreciate finding things out later.  
The other man nodded,  
“I enjoyed my work, no lie there but I felt I could do more, help other kinds of people,” Saying it out loud it sounded stupid.  
Fury nodded again but remained silent.  
“And when I found out that you were looking for a replacement psychiatrist I jumped at the occasion.”   
“I’m glad you did, I hope your work is as good as your reputation,”   
There was something in Fury’s voice that made Thor feel a little uncomfortable, like a lot of pressure had suddenly been added to his shoulders to succeed.

They went over the ground rules, never forget or lose his keys, only use his set, never get too involved with the patients and certainly no physical contact with them. The logical rules for a facility that housed the mentally ill.  
Work hours were the next thing on the agenda, Thor surprised his new employer when he admitted that putting in extra hours didn’t scare him. He enjoyed his profession and would do his best whenever he could, and the plus being that he was somewhat of a workaholic.  
Fury told Thor he would have his permanent patients with one hour sessions every day, those that were likely to never leave this place, then there would be some short term patients. On occasion he would fill in for the other doctors if needed. Thor nodded happily and agreed to it all, he was starting to buzz with excitement to actually start his new job and meet his new co-workers.  
“Do you have any questions?” Fury asked once he finished explaining everything, Thor shook his head, everything seemed pretty clear, “Perfect, Coulson will show you around,”   
Thor nodded and stood when Fury did. He exited the office, all he needed to do was find this Coulson. Apparently he must have looked a little lost since Phil walked over and smiled.  
“Something wrong Doctor Odinson?”   
He lifted his gaze and smiled in reply, “I’m supposed to find a Coulson?”  
Phil let out a small chuckle, “That would be me, I’m Phil Coulson. Ready for the grand tour?”  
Thor smiled back to the man and nodded before they left the office and headed off down the hall.

They started with the ground floor, Phil showed Thor the cafeteria, the HR office, Natasha’s office was in case he ever needed it. Whilst there Phil explained that there were cameras all over the building for everyone’s security, he would have let Natasha go more into detail but she wasn’t currently in her office.   
“Before I forget,” Phil said as he opened one of the folders he had been carrying around with him, “Here, this is your panic button, use it if one of the patient's attack you or any other life threatening situation,”  
Thor took it, looked it over then he placed it gently into his coat pocket,  
“It had a GPS on it, so any one of our agents will be able to find you if needed,” Phil informed before handing Thor one of the files, “This one is your schedule, inside you’ll find a timetable, your patients names… I have already put their files in your office,”   
“Thank you for prepping my office Phil,” Thor said honestly with a kind smile.  
Phil flashed a quick smile then handed over another file, this one thinner than the last, “And this one is a copy of the rules, just in case you want to go over them again,”   
There came a small jingle of keys before Phil pulled a set out of his pocket and handed them over to Thor.  
“They’re all tagged, don’t lose them,”   
Thor slid the second file under the first, before placing his keys into his pocket and nodded, “Where do we go from here?”   
“This way, I’ll show you the first floor where you’ll be working alongside Doctor Stark,”   
They walked up a flight of stairs instead of using the lift, Thor didn’t mind he preferred to use his legs anyway.   
“This is the blue wing, we currently only have two patients residing here but I’m sure there will be more soon,” Phil said as he walked them around the small ward, there were only four bedrooms making it look homey and not too busy which was probably good for the patients.  
“Are all the wards this small?” Thor asked as his eyes looked around the hall before landing on Phil.  
The man nodded in response, “they are, we have four wards each with four rooms,”   
It didn’t take Thor long to do the maths, sixteen patients per floor, there were a total of five floors, so the hospital had the capacity to hold eighty patients at one time.  
“Down the hall you’ll find the red, yellow and green wings, and just over there is the common room,” Phil said pointing down the opposite ends of the hall, “There are three other floors above this one identical, then there is the fifth and final floor which is home to the criminally insane,”   
Ah, Thor had almost forgotten that SHIELD’s home for the mentally ill housed some of the state’s criminally ill.  
“Of course, how many patients are there on that floor?”   
“Thirty”  
He was wrong, a total of ninety four patients could be held in SHIELD’s.

Thor declined the offer to check out the other floors given that they were identical to this one and he didn’t have the clearance to go to the fifth floor.  
“And this is your office,” Phil said as he opened the wooden door, “it’s probably smaller than what you’re used to but it should work,”   
Thor couldn’t help the smile that graced his lips, “It doesn’t matter about the size, as long as it has everything I need to work it’ll be fine,”   
“That’s good to hear,” Phil added, “I’ll leave you to it, if you need anything call the front desk and they’ll wire you to me,”   
Thor was about to ask for the number but Phil pointed to the telephone and the list of numbers sitting tidily beside it.   
“Thank you,” was all Thor said before his colleague shut the door quietly and left him to it.  
Once alone Thor removed his woolen coat and hung it up then took a seat at his desk and booted up his computer, thankfully someone, probably Phil, had thought to leave a username and password jotted down on a post-it beside the keyboard.  
There were several files as promised sitting on his desk, waiting for him. He picked up the first one and opened it.

A couple of hours passed before he had finished going over each file, the reasons behind his patients entry to the hospital were simple enough. After all there were two basic reasons anyone would be put in psychiatric care, either you’re a threat to yourself or to others.  
He took his time reading over the files again, some he even read a third time before he stood from where he had been sitting and walked out of his office to get a proper feel of the place.  
It wasn’t long till he found himself entering the common room of their floor, there were only a couple of patients present, Thor guessed that the others were probably in sessions or in their rooms.  
“You must be the newbie,” Came a voice from the side causing Thor to turn, a blond haired man smiled at him, “I’m Steve,”   
“Thor,” He offered, “Are you also a doctor here?”   
Thor knew no one here so he’d only learn by asking, maybe this was the Doctor Stark Phil had spoken about.  
The man chuckled and shook his head, “No, I’m a carer. You’ve got me, Sam and Peter on this floor,” He explained with a smile, “The doctors would be, Tony and you,”   
Thor nodded, “Oh, I thought maybe you were Doctor Stark,”   
Again Steve chuckled although this time it was slightly louder, “Oh goodness no, you’ll know who Tony is the moment you meet him… trust me,”  
Steve’s attention seemed to waver, his bright smile fading as his gaze moved to something behind Thor. He turned, seeing a man in what looked like pyjamas leaning against the wall, his longish hair was a little untidy, probably from hands going through it. He seemed about their age, although he looked a little more worn than either Steve or Thor. He did notice the prosthetic hand that poked out of the long sleeve of the man’s left side.  
“Bucky, what are you doing?” Steve asked calmly although clearly surprised to see the young man.  
He seemed to come out of his daze when Steve spoke and looked to the blond man, “looking for something,” He replied a little absent, a frown etched on his face.   
Thor watched as Steve moved to Bucky and put a gentle arm around him.  
“Everything is okay Buck,” Steve’s voice was warm and caring which made Thor think that he had already broken the rule about getting friendly with the patients.  
Bucky frowned but didn’t protest when Steve walked him to one of the chairs and sat him down, kneeling down in front of him.  
“You’ll be fine Buck, just take a few deep breaths.” He said as he caressed Bucky’s left knee gently, squeezing it almost lovingly. Steve stood back up after a moment and turned to walk back over to Thor but the young man grabbed his wrist, looking up at him with big worried grey blue eyes.  
“Don’t go Steve,” He whispered desperately.  
“I’ll be right back, Buck, I’ve just got to finish talking to Dr Odinson over here,” He said reassuringly.  
The man looked over at Thor, his eyes weren’t focused which made Thor believe he was heavily medicated.  
He didn’t reply but he did let go of Steve’s wrist allowing him to walk away, his hand hovered in the air for a moment longer before he let it drop into his lap.  
Steve came back over and smiled apologetically, “Sorry about that,”   
Thor shook his head and offered a smile of his own, “It’s good to see a carer caring, you two seem close”  
He noticed how Steve’s smile faded a little, “I know it’s against the rules but over the years it just sort of happened,”   
Steve’s voice was a little pleading, clearly he didn’t want it to be common knowledge but Thor was already pretty sure everyone knew if he was able to notice it in the few short minutes he had been here.  
“Hey as long as it doesn’t affect your work I don’t see where the problem is,”   
His smile was back in place which in turn made Thor smile.  
“Steve?!” Came a distressed voice from behind them causing both of them to turn, Bucky was now standing looking anxiously towards them, “Do you hear them?” He was talking a little louder this time as if trying to talk over other people.   
His eyes darted around the room in a panic, Steve’s smile vanished, he excused himself before heading to the clearly upset man. Thor watched, he didn’t remember reading anything about a Bucky in his files so for the moment it really wasn’t his place. Besides, Steve seemed to know how to handle him and if he ever needed any help Thor would step in.  
“It’s okay Buck,” he said calmly as he wrapped an arm around the man’s shoulders, “They’re not really there Buck, come on, focus,”   
It took a couple of minutes of Steve hushing calming words to the patient who in turn kept protesting that there were in fact people talking to him but eventually he calmed and Steve was able to get him to sit down again.  
“James?” They heard from the door of the common room.  
Thor saw the change in Steve’s face, it hardened as he looked over at the person who had spoken.  
“Yes Sir,” He said as he stood suddenly taking his stance as a soldier awaiting an order, his arms at his sides and standing straight gaze focused ahead of him.   
“No Buck-”  
“I’ll take it from here Rogers,” Came the voice from just behind Thor, apparently he had seen the whole ordeal.  
Steve stood stubbornly and after a few moments he moved away, reluctantly nonetheless, it was clear there was some tension between the two men.   
“Don’t go upping his meds,” Steve growled as he passed the newcomer, and walked out of the room.  
The other man simply scoffed, “Remind me which of us two is the doctor?” He called out sarcastically after Steve but not actually turning his head to look at him.  
After a couple of moments he turned his attention to Thor who was standing there trying to work out what had just happened.  
“You must be Thor,” He said suddenly with a smirk, “Tony,” He offered before heading over to Bucky who was still standing in front of the sofa looking down the hall after Steve who had long since disappeared.  
“I think you might benefit from a little sleep James,” Tony said as he moved over to the young man and began to accompany him down the hall to his room before coming back over to Thor, “A soldier or rather ex soldier” he said as if that explained it all.  
“PTSD?” Thor asked as he raised a brow curiously,   
Tony nodded, “He couldn’t deal with coming back to the real world,”   
He seemed a little harsh in his words but then again some psychiatrists lacked compassion or empathy towards their patients.   
“He seems to have found a friend,” Thor commented casually, he frowned when Tony chuckled.  
“A friend,” his voice laced with hollow humor, “Barnes is attracted to Rogers, follows him around like a lost puppy,”   
Thor chose to remain silent on that, he thought it better.  
“Excuse me, I have-”  
“Things to do, yeah yeah don’t we all, go for it,” Tony waved a hand at Thor dismissing him.

Thor went back to his office and began on getting things ready for his afternoon not to mention it also gave him an excuse to kill half an hour before lunch.  
He made his way down to the cafeteria where he bought a simple meat sandwich and bottle of water. The woman on the till seemed nice, she smiled at him and wished him a good afternoon before he headed back to his office where he would eat and go through some of his emails.   
“Dr. Odinson,” Natasha's voice rung, stopping him from leaving the hall, he turned and smiled at the woman who was putting her tray on top of the bins.  
“Mrs Romanoff,” He greeted for the second time that day with a polite smile.  
She smiled shyly which seemed out of character for her, “Miss, I’m not married,” She corrected.  
Thor cleared throat, “My apologies,”   
He waited as she walked over to him then they began to head down the hall together,   
“You’re not eating in the hall?” She said gesturing to the sandwich and bottle he held in his hand.  
Thor shook his head, “I’m not trying to be rude but I want to get some work in whilst I eat,” He explained to which she nodded simply.  
“Fury said you seemed eager,”   
He didn’t know if he should take that as a compliment or not, Thor just wanted to help his patients and the best way to do that was getting to know their files by heart.  
“I’ve always enjoyed working,” He said casually as they continued to walk. Natasha nodded again this time a small smirk appeared on his plush lips.  
“We’re going to need that enthousiasme around here, how are you finding it so far?” She questioned.  
Thor thought about it for a few moments before he answered, “In all honesty I haven’t been able to get an opinion yet. I haven’t started meeting patients yet although I did meet Bucky,”   
Natasha quirked a brow, “Ah yes Barnes,”  
Thor stopped as he placed a large but gentle hand on her arm and looked at her with a questioning gaze, “Is there something I should know about him?”   
She shook her head lightly and gently removed Thor’s hand from her arm, silently beginning to walk again as he followed.  
“No,” She replied flatly, “Although I expect you’ll become rather fond of him as most of the staff have over time,”   
That made Thor feel slightly better, the last thing he wanted to hear was Bucky was some sort of a trouble maker or something along those lines.  
“Is that a bad thing?” He asked as they neared the end of the hall where Thor would take the lift to his floor.  
She stopped this time and smiled, “Not really no,” She replied frankly although she seemed to think about it from the way her head tilted ever so slightly to the side, “Have a good afternoon Thor,” Natasha added before disappearing down the conjoining hallway.  
He watched her go with a curious expression staining his features before shaking his head and walking away. 

Over the next few hours Thor met with his patients then started some of his sessions with a few of them. He wanted to get an idea of their mental well being before treating them, some of his new patients were highly medicated. Thor didn’t agree with medicating when it wasn’t utterly necessary, the medication didn’t address the problem but more camouflage it.  
*  
It wasn’t until much later when he looked at his watch as he was taking a small break from taking notes and filling out paperwork that he realised it was well past midnight. He stretched his back as he let out a peaceful sigh, not bad for a first day of work. He packed up his things and shut down his computer before making his way down to the lobby, the place was empty except for the guard at the desk.  
“Night,” Thor said as he headed out.  
“You too Doctor,” 

The apartment was empty when he got home, like always, there was no one waiting for him. It had been like that for the past couple of years, Jane had left. In her words, he didn’t know when to stop working. Thor hadn’t been present a lot during their five year relationship, he just didn’t have the time, he loved his work possibly more than he had loved Jane.  
He wasn’t lonely, sure he lived alone but it didn’t bother him. The bright side of being single was that no one imposed their wants on him, and didn't express how they wanted him to change or any of that other stuff. Although sometimes he did wonder how his parents had done it, they had been married thirty-four years and they had made it work even though his father hadn’t been present a lot either. Odin and Frigga’s marriage was something Thor had always admired. They had married when she had been only eighteen, Odin’s family had said their marriage was doomed to fail because of her young age but they had proved them wrong. Two years later they welcomed Balder into the family and three years after that Thor. Odin’s mother had insisted that they hire a nanny but Frigga had put things straight, no one was going to bring her children up but her. Odin had always joked saying it was Frigga finally standing up to Bestla that had killed the old woman because that very night she passed away.  
Odin’s side of the family was rich, sickly rich from a family firm, it had been in the family since the late 1800’s. Balder took over when Odin had died since he was the eldest, which Thor was thankful for, he had never wanted to work in the family business. If he was completely honest, he wasn’t even sure what the family business was all about.  
When they were growing up Odin was absent a lot, he worked hours around the clock, he even worked on Christmas. The boys knew their father loved them but they learned to live without him, it was only when Balder went to work for Odin at the family firm when he was eighteen that he got to see him more often.  
Thor took a deep breath as he walked over to the fridge opening it, even though it was six years ago the pain was still there, Odin’s death had been sudden and unexpected.   
“Spaghetti bolognese I think,” He muttered, distracting himself as he grabbed some tomatoes, onions and other things out of the fridge.  
A couple of years ago Thor had started taking an interest in cooking as a way to unwind from the stress of work and much to his surprise he was getting rather good at it.  
He hummed his way through the preparations and while it was cooking he poured himself a glass of cold beer. Thor liked beer, every Christmas Balder would get him a selection of different beers from around the world, which meant that he had a small collection.


	2. Chapter 2

(Mid December)

The next few weeks went by quickly, Thor got settled and met his fellow co-workers on the floor and a couple from the floor above. They all seemed like a nice bunch, Sam was a fun down to earth guy who was always up for a couple of drinks after work to which Thor often agreed to. He was almost like a voice of reason, if he felt you were walking down the path of wrong, he’d tell you. Peter was young, much younger than the rest of them, a quirky man who spent his free time fixing and building PCs as Thor found out from a previous conversation with him. Steve was friendly and always there to help out even after his shift was over. Steve was also someone very stubborn when he put his mind to it. Thor did notice he was very close to Bucky, they were always together when Steve could get away with it. There were only two nurses on their floor, Peggy and Maria, they were nice enough. Peggy from first glances seemed like a fragile flower but Thor had seen her handle one of the patients with no help at all so that idea quickly went out of the window. She was beautiful and British, and a very kind soul, Thor enjoyed her company. Maria was no different but she appeared less fragile, they didn’t work together though one had the day shift and the other the night shift which seemed a shame since they got on rather well. Tony, he was smart, quirky and full of quip remarks, he was a little frustrating sometimes because he had to have the last word in a discussion but Thor didn’t mind him. All in all he had some good colleagues.

When Sam and Steve announced they were putting up the Christmas decorations that day Thor happily offered to help put them up around the different wings of their floor when he had a little time, after all he loved the festivities. Some of the patients were cheerful to see the festive decorations being hung up and others burst into tears and protested, Sam was nice enough to explain that those patients had suffered during the holidays which made Thor feel bad for them.  
Bucky and another patient, Wanda helped put up the decorations with Steve, Sam and Thor. Wanda was one of Thor’s patients who had admitted herself here after losing both her parents in a bombing incident then her twin brother years later who was shot by a robber. She was depressed and suicidal but had been making a lot of progress over the last couple of years, she had little to no trouble opening up to Thor which made things easier for both of them.  
They were almost like a small family as they stuck the decorations to the walls, chit chatting lightly as they did so.  
“Bucky” Wanda said with a smile, “Maybe they’ll put up some mistletoe and you’ll be able to give Steve a kiss,” She chuckled under her breath.  
He gave her a wide eyed response and began to blush, they were alone so thankfully no one was looking at him, he didn’t want the added attention.  
“Shh-” He hissed, “I don’t want to kiss him,”  
Wanda’s outburst of laughter caught everyone’s attention which had them all looking at her and Bucky. She pulled her lips inward and started to blush, she wasn't used to having so much attention. Steve, Sam and Thor even looked their way as the other patients simply stared and muttered amongst themselves.  
“Eh- Sorry,” She mumbled before turning back to the wall and Bucky who looked more than uncomfortable.  
“It’s good to hear her laughing,” Thor commented with a smile, the other two men nodded in agreement. It wasn’t often that Wanda smiled or even laughed like she meant it so this was something really positive.  
“Whatever they’re talking about seems to be good,” Sam said cheerfully as he watched Bucky and Wanda chuckle quietly in their corner.  
Bucky was still a little red from his earlier blush, he had a smile gracing his face as he looked at Wanda.  
“I was just teasing Bucky…”  
“Yeah I know… It was a good laugh, thank you” He replied as he put some of his hair behind his ear, eyes looking passed Wanda to Steve.  
It wasn’t that Bucky was in love with Steve, no, he’d never admit that, if he was completely honest he didn’t really know what he felt. But he liked to think of it as a deep respect and idolization for the man, he was everything Bucky wasn’t. Steve was social, fun to be around, kind and beautiful, Bucky lost all that in the war and Steve was like a bittersweet reminder of what life was like before.  
It didn’t take long for them to finish what they were doing, after all there were only so many decorations they were allowed to put up. Steve, Sam and Thor headed to the coffee room chuckling as they went, Tony and Peter looked up at them as they arrived.  
“Finished already?” Peter asked with a cheerful smile as he warmed his hands on his coffee mug.  
“This year we’re allowed to put up even less than last year,” Steve answered with a shrug as he went over to pour himself a cup of coffee.  
It was true, Fury had decided that some of the decorations weren’t a good idea because they could be dangerous.  
“So what’s everyone up to tonight?” Tony asked with his loud joyous voice changing the subject completely.  
“Sam and I are getting drinks after work,” Steve answered, his back to Tony.  
Peter beamed at Tony, “No, you’re going home-” He said pointing to the young carer who simply pouted in response.  
Thor chuckled from the other couch and shook his head lightly.  
“What about you Thor?” Peter asked, turning his attention away from Tony and onto the doctor.  
He smiled, “I’ve got dinner with the family, sort of an early Christmas dinner thing,”  
Peter nodded, “With your wife?” He asked casually.  
There came a chuckle from his side which made Peter turn to look at Tony who was watching them.  
“Ol’ Thor here isn’t married, well unless you can count work,”  
Thor raised a brow pretending to be offended, he didn’t get a chance to say anything as Peter cut in, “So I take it you’re working Christmas then?”  
A lot of them were working Christmas even though most had asked to have the day but unfortunately their work meant that almost everyone got turned down.  
“Everyone but me, Doctor Banner is filling in for me,” Tony announced happily with a smirk, the thing was Tony had worked the last six Christmases and for once he asked to have it off so naturally Fury had accepted.  
“Fair enough,” Steve said as he came and sat down beside Stark, “So why don’t you want to take Peter out tonight?”  
They had all noticed how quick Tony was to refuse the young man’s company, even Peter sat there with one brow raised as he waited for an answer.  
So it was with a roll of his eyes that Stark replied, “He’s too young, you’re what… nineteen?”  
“Twenty two actually”, Peter corrected.  
Tony made a face which got a chuckle from them all, “see, he is just a baby,”  
Steve smirked, “I thought you liked them young,”  
That had everyone except Tony laughing, he looked at Steve with an exaggerated look of offence on his face and a hand over his heart.  
“Wow Rogers, cold man” He said dramatically.  
Peter chuckled, “Nah he ain’t my type anyway”, Again this got everyone laughing, this was what Thor enjoyed about the place, even though there were some tensions everyone got on pretty well and had a few good laughs.  
It wasn’t long though before Thor excused himself and headed to the changing rooms. His shift was over and he had a long drive ahead of him.

It was a couple of hours later that he pulled up at the family mansion, Balder and Nanna were already there which came as some surprise. He parked his car and got out jogging up the snowy steps before knocking on the door; his mother always said that he should just come in but for Thor this place wasn’t his home anymore so he had to knock. The door opened and Thor smiled at his brother who returned the smile.  
“Come on in,” He said stepping aside and letting Thor walk in, “You’re late”  
Thor scoffed lightly and shook his head, “Says he, the man who is always late to everything, even your own birthday party last year if I remember correctly,”  
This got him a light punch on the shoulder from his elder brother, Thor managed to give him one back before young Forseti came around the corner.  
“Uncle Thor!” He cried out happily as he ran towards his favorite uncle jumping up into his arms.  
Thor caught him and lifted him up giving the young boy a kiss on his cheek.  
“My goodness you’ve grown so much,” He said over exaggeratedly, “how old are you now?!”  
The small boy beamed up at his uncle, “I’m five!” He announced proudly.  
Both men chuckled, Forseti was certainly a little boy with a strong personality.  
“Wow, five already?!” Thor was amazing with children, he’d handle them so well everyone was surprised that he hadn’t fathered a couple of his own by now.  
“Come on, Mother and Nanna are waiting,” Balder said as he tapped his brother on the shoulder and led the way.  
The younger of the two followed with the small child in his arms, making faces at him as they walked and chuckling when Forseti did the same.  
Frigga was sitting on one of the sofas by the fire, she turned her attention to her sons when they walked through the door and smiled brightly. She stood and headed over to Thor, stopping in front of him and looking at the small child who was wrapped tightly around his neck.  
“I see you’ve been missed,” She said fondly as she looked between the two of them, “How are you darling?”  
Forseti let out a little squeak when he was trapped and squished between his uncle and grandmother in a loving embrace. Thor rarely got to see his family so when he did have some free time he’d drive all the way up here and spend it with them.  
“I’ve missed you honey,” She said softly as she parted from her youngest.  
Thor smiled at his mother, she was a sweet gentle woman and deserved to be surrounded by those she loved.  
“It’s good to see you too,”  
“Come here buddy” Balder said as he removed the young boy from Thor. Nanna stood from the other sofa and walked over, embracing Thor with a tight hug when Frigga moved aside.  
“We really don’t see enough of you,” She said in a cheerful voice once parted from him.  
They walked over to the sofas and sat down, this was the first time in a long time that Frigga had all her family at home at once.  
“Work has me busy at the moment but shortly things should settle down a little, you working this Christmas Balder?”  
His elder brother looked up from where he was playing with his son and blinked a couple of times as if he was thinking about what had just been said.  
“Oh, yes, yes I am…” He replied a little awkwardly, Thor looked over at Nanna and saw the unhappy look she was giving Balder.  
“Maybe next year then,” He said with a smile ignoring the tension in the room, “I’m working too, actually everyone on the ward is… except Tony…”  
No one knew who Tony was because Thor had never spoken about his co-workers but they nodded anyway.  
“You two are so much like your father” Frigga said softly as she looked between her sons, “always working so hard, I’m so very proud of you both,”  
If there was one thing both boys knew it was that their mother couldn’t be prouder of them, every moment she got she would tell them, she told everyone about how well her sons had succeeded in life, sometimes it was quite embarrassing.  
There came a knock at the door and one of the help came in announcing that dinner was ready. Frigga thanked them before she stood making everyone follow her to the dining room.  
The table was set for a traditional Odinson Christmas, it made Thor feel a little guilty because it had been a few years since they had actually had a Christmas together. The chair at the very end of the table was empty, like it had been for the past six years, Frigga had insisted that it was okay if one of the boys took it but they declined, it was Odin’s chair.  
“I thought since you’re all working on the twenty fifth we could have Christmas together tonight,” Her voice was light and hid the sadness well but Thor could tell she suffered from being alone, not that he could blame her, the Odinson mansion was huge and now she was all alone here.  
“What are you doing on the twenty fifth mother?” Balder asked as he helped his son take his seat.  
She smiled gently at her eldest, “I’m going to Freya’s for the day and possibly a couple of days after that,”  
This got the two brothers smiling, “Auntie Freya, we must go to see her soon,” Thor said with a fond smile playing on his lips.  
Nanna looked between the three of them before her eyes landed on Balder, “Who is Freya?” She asked, a little lost.  
Thor frowned,  
“Our aunt, mother’s younger sister,” Balder replied blankly.  
Her expression didn’t change, she simply looked at her husband utterly confused.  
“I don’t think I’ve met her, have I?”  
Balder went to open his mouth but Thor beat him to it, “She was at your wedding,” He pointed out gaining her attention, “she was sat with… your cousins, I think.”  
Frigga sat there watching the exchange, there was a little tension but that was how her family had always been, it was what made them them.  
“Oh yes,” Nanna said after a few moments of silence as her features lightened and a beautiful smile graced her lips, “I’m sorry, I had completely forgotten, she was also at Forseti’s Christening… with the blue hat?”  
Balder nodded happily, he was smiling again which in turn made Thor smile, he knew things weren’t perfect between them because of Balder’s long hours and to be honest Thor hated to see them fight.  
Things went on much like that during the meal, they talked about everything and nothing avoiding work as it was a no at the table, it always had been even when Odin was alive.  
When the dessert arrived Frigga was happy to announce that she had made it herself, not that it surprised either of the boys because Frigga has always made Christmas dessert, her family famous Christmas cake.  
“Mother this looks wonderful as it does every year,” Thor complemented before licking his lips, “Can I cut it?” He might not have been able to come up every year for Christmas but his mother always managed to get some cake to him.  
Frigga chuckled, he asked every year. Ever since he had been little it was his thing, to cut the dessert and stuff his face with as much of it as he could. She picked up the knife and handed it over to Thor who took it happily, “Merry Christmas,” He toasted before cutting into the perfectly iced cake. He served everyone a slice then took his seat again, he loved his mother’s cake if there was one thing she could do it was bake.  
As soon as the icing touched his tongue Thor let out a loud sigh which made Balder and Forseti burst out laughing.  
“Each and every time,” Balder said through a mouthful which gained a scolding look from his mother.  
Forseti was still chuckling which made Thor grin, thankfully he had finished his first mouthful so Frigga couldn’t scold him too.  
“I can’t help it if mother makes an amazing cake!” His voice was filled with love but they all knew it was for the food. He didn’t know what it was that made hers the best, Frigga had given him the recipe but it never came out the same. The taste and texture was perfect, the fruit mingled perfectly with the brandy, and the moist sponge held it all together not to mention the icing that she finished it off with, crisp and just the right amount of sweet.  
After dinner was finished they retired to the lounge, the men decided to end the evening on a glass of cognac. Forseti protested that he wasn’t tired but fell asleep on the plush rug in front of the fireplace which made Thor smile dearly.  
“I’ll take him,” He offered when he saw Balder putting down his glass to care for his son.  
“You sure?”  
Thor looked pointedly at his brother and smiled lovingly, “Balder I don’t see him often, and before I’ll know it he’ll be a stroppy teen not wanting to spend time with his daft uncle,”  
Everyone looked at Thor warmly as he spoke his words, his love for that little boy was that of a second father.  
“I know what you mean, he is growing up too fast,” Balder said as he looked over at the small ball that was his son.  
Once his glass was placed on the table, Thor scooped up the small boy in his large arms and walked out of the room. He was silent as he could be as he walked up the stairs so not to wake the child. Passing Forseti’s weight to his right arm Thor opened the bedroom door and slipped in, turning on the night light as he got to the bed. The small child stirred a little as Thor pulled back the covers but didn’t wake, Thor laid him down on the plush mattress only removing the boy’s slippers. He could have left in that moment given that his nephew was sleeping but he didn’t, Thor sat on the edge of the bed and watched the peaceful infant.  
Life could have been different for him if he had chosen Jane instead of his work. He could have had the wedding, the wife and a handful of children by now. Jane had been going on about having their own during the last year of their relationship but Thor just wasn’t ready for that, he always said when he’d have children he’d be around, but given how dedicated he was to his job right now he wouldn’t be around.  
Thor’s smile only grew as he watched Forseti, as long as he had the love of this little one, he didn’t have the need for children right now.

It turned out that Steve, Sam and Tony all went out for some drinks, they were later joined by Tony’s best friend Rhodey, he was also another doctor working alongside Banner on the fifth floor.  
“Aren’t you like skiving off work?” Steve asked curiously as he looked at the time on his watch.  
Tony shook his head and smirked, “Nope, I’m on call,”  
The younger man made an o with his mouth and nodded, “that explains why you’re drinking non alcoholic beverages which I thought was quite strange,”  
The group chuckled, Tony wasn’t one to say no to drinks, he’d usually drink you under the table but he took his job seriously and made do with the 0% stuff.  
“Aren’t one of us supposed to be working tonight?” Sam asked as he looked at Steve with a quizzical expression. There was a moment of silence between them as they thought it over just staring at one another, apparently they hadn’t thought about it or checked.  
Thankfully Tony was there to save the day, “Am I the only one who looks at the charter?” He said looking utterly amused, “Peggy is there tonight along with Maria, you guys are safe, not to mention that Peter decided to stick around because and I quote ‘he didn’t want to go home to his aunt’”  
The tension that had suddenly built up vanished in seconds, thank god for Tony.  
“But hasn’t Peggy been doing the day shift?” Steve questioned feeling a little guilty that he hadn’t offered to do it.  
Tony shook his head, “She insisted on having the extra hours, something about having to look after her niece and needing the money,”  
As most nights when Stark was on call his peace didn’t last long, his beeper sounded which made the group groan.  
“Duty calls,” He commented with a slight sigh as he looked down at the beeper.  
“Yeah yeah,” Rhodey said as he patted his friend on the back, “We’ll have a few drinks for you,” He joked, gaining a few laughs from the small group.  
“I’ll get in another round!” Sam joyfully announced as he stood from his stool and wandered over to the bar to order another round of beers.  
Steve and Rhodey watched him go before finishing off their glasses, there weren’t many people in the bar tonight given that it was a weekday so they could hear each other without having to shout.  
“How is the drawing going?” Rhodey asked remembering the piece Steve had been doing the last time they got together.  
The younger man smiled happily and nodded, “I finished it last week,” Steve had been drawing a landscape scenery from memory, it was a place he went to when he wanted to have a bit of peace and quiet, somewhere his mother used to take him on picnics.  
“You’ll have to show me,” from what he remembered the piece was pretty good, it had only been the sketch and not very detailed but you could see the hills surrounding the lake and trees.  
Steve only nodded feeling a bit shy about showing others his work, his drawings and paintings were intimate, memories of places he had been and people in his life. He was secretly afraid of sharing his work simply because he thought people wouldn’t like it.  
“Here we are!” Sam grinned as he placed the three pint glasses on the table and slid back onto his stool.

“You know what we should do?” Sam asked, cutting into Steve and James’ conversation, “Skydiving!” He answered before the other two could even try to, “All of us, Tony, you, you and me, Peter and Thor!”  
Steve looked at James who shrugged his shoulders, somewhere during the last hour beer had turned to other stronger drinks and Sam was rather bubbly now.  
“Oh come guys, don’t look at each other like that!” Sam protested seeing the expression they were wearing, “it’ll be fun!” Was all he added as means to convince them.  
“Could be fun,” James said with a shrug, “although I don’t know when we’ll all get time off together,”  
That part was true, it was highly unlikely that all six of them were going to have an afternoon off at the same time.  
Steve pursed his lips as he thought about it, other than the possibility of the parachute not opening there was nothing to worry about, “Why not, Tony will be all over the idea you know how much he loves extreme sports,”  
“Sorted then!” Sam said as he banged his fist down on the table with a beaming smile, “Skydiving it is then, we’ll just have to ask the others tomorrow,”  
“Peter isn’t working tomorrow and neither are you,” Rhodey pointed out,  
Sam nodded, “then whenever we see them,”  
There were a few moments of silence before Sam turned his attention back to James and pointed at him, “Ooh you can invite Bruce too!”  
Both James and Steve made a face, “Nah, heights and Bruce are not a good thing together,” James said with a chuckle, Sam let out a laugh as he remembered when they went to an adventure park and Bruce lost his calm with being that high up.  
“Too bad…” Sam let out through more chuckles. 

***

Christmas arrived, Thor got to work wearing a santa hat and a snowman Christmas jumper which made his co-workers laugh. Work began much like everyday except they greeted the patients with a Merry Christmas, most were happy and exchanged festive greetings there was of course the odd patient who grumbled but on the whole the morning went well.  
Loki, Bucky and Wanda were sitting on their couch, they were exchanging Christmas stories or at least Bucky and Wanda were, Loki was silent, busy listening and trying his hardest to forget what his Christmas’ had been like. The stories they both told were sweet, loving families, meals that could feed an army, board games and much more. Loki’s were much different, Laufey would always find an excuse not to spend it with their family, granted not every Christmas was like that, it was only after he turned seven that things really changed, before they had been almost pleasant. Laufey would buy him a gift and force Loki to play with it on his knee, that was how the day went on, then things just got worse. He let out a small whimper which made the other two look at him, their expressions concerned.  
“You okay?” Bucky asked, his hand hovering over Loki’s arm which he chose to put by his side quickly after remembering how much the younger man feared human contact.  
Loki managed a nod and forced out a humourless chuckle, “Fine… just… memories,”  
Both Bucky and Wanda gave him a pained look, they didn’t know exactly what the young man had been through but rumors floated around the place and Bucky sincerely hoped they weren’t the truth.  
They settled into a silence before Wanda spoke again, “So we all ready for the Christmas dinner?” That got a smile from Loki and a soft chuckle from Bucky as he shook his head lightly.  
“Oh god… the so called turkey and potatoes,” He made a face at the memory of last year's disastrous dinner.  
Wanda smiled, “Our mum used to make such good turkey,” Her voice was fond which had both men listening to her as she recalled her childhood, “I remember it would take her a good couple of hours to prepare it and then to cook but oh my god was it worth it, tender and crunchy skin...”  
They had to admit that her tale of juicy Christmas dinner had their mouths watering, Loki’s stomach growled gaining a group chuckle.  
“Not lunch for another two hours,” Bucky groaned feeling thankful that his own stomach hadn’t betrayed him.

“What is that?” Peter asked looking at the plastic plant Thor had put on the table,  
“Mistletoe… okay it’s plastic but I thought it would be better than losing it and someone poisoning themselves.” He explained which kind of made sense to the other three who were sitting in various chairs.  
“Yeah but why do you have it with you?”  
“To brighten spirits of course, who wouldn’t want a kiss from any of our young handsome staff?” He replied with a bright smile that could only make the others smile along with him.  
As it turned out Thor was suddenly very popular with the female patients who all wanted a small peck on the cheek, it was all in good humor of course, and they even had a couple of the male patients go along with it for the laugh.  
Wanda suddenly got a devilish idea when she saw Steve head over to Bucky, she jumped off the couch and headed over to Thor giving him a smile.  
“Mind if I borrow that?” She asked politely with a look of pure innocence,  
“As long as you don’t cause any trouble,” He said warmly before handing over the plastic plant, she took it happily and headed back over to Steve and Bucky where she promptly got up on her tiptoes and hovered the plant over their heads.  
“Go on, give him a kiss,” She said playfully to Bucky.  
He stared at her blankly, feeling the heat of a blush creeping up his neck and threatening to embarrass him. He cleared his throat and looked over at Steve who was a beautiful shade of light pink himself.  
“Go on then, It’s Christmas!” She encouraged happily.  
“Tradition,” Sam said matter of factly with a quirked brow and amused smirk as he passed by seemingly out of nowhere.  
Bucky rolled his eyes at her and chose to ignore Sam who was already gone, and pecked Steve on the cheek lightly before giving her a glare, it wasn’t anything unpleasant but he wished she’d leave that territory alone. Wanda gave a satisfied grin before skipping back over to Thor who was looking at her with one brow raised and a small smile.  
“Thank you,” She said merrily as she handed the plastic plant back to Thor, “that’s made my Christmas,”  
He took it from her shaking his head amusingly.  
“Merry Christmas Buck,” Steve said warmly as he gave his shoulder a squeeze.  
“Yeah you too Stevie,” Bucky replied with a smile, “You doing anything when you finish your shift?” He was generally curious, Steve had no family so naturally Bucky wondered what he had planned, probably what he did every year but he was still interested.  
Steve gave him a small smile, “Gonna go see Ma, then back home for something to eat,” He answered with a shrug, since his mum’s passing Steve didn’t really celebrate Christmas in a big way not now he was alone.  
Bucky nodded, “that sounds good,”  
“Be better if you could join me,” He said quietly, Steve’s words made Bucky brighten.  
“Maybe one day?” He offered with a hopeful smile.  
“I thought you were in here on your own accord?” Steve said with a slightly furrowed brow, Bucky nodded in response and offered an awkward smile.  
“I am… kinda, the doctors and I thought it best I stay here after… you know… and after a while they made it permanent” He didn’t want to talk about it today it would ruin Christmas.  
Steve seemed to understand that Bucky wanted to drop the subject because he gave his friend a cheerful smile and squeezed his shoulder lightly again.  
“Well you’re just going to have to get better and come spend Christmas with me one year,”  
The hope and promise in Steve’s voice made Bucky want to believe it was possible that one day he’d be able to leave this place as a healthy somewhat normal functioning human being.  
“I’d like that… I could try and make my mum’s traditional roast potatoes,” Bucky said with a fond smile, there was no harm in dreaming a bit was there?  
Steve’s smile seemed to grow at the offer, “We could spend the day cooking and then stuffing our faces, films and sweets and cake,”  
Now that sounded like a good Christmas and one Bucky was sure he’d enjoy, the idea was perfect and he almost believed it was possible.  
“Go outside and throw snowballs?” Bucky suggested with a playful grin.  
Steve beamed in response.

The day was easy, they did their rounds talking happily with patients and amongst themselves. Christmas was the one time a year when employees and patients really mingled. When they had some free time Sam and Peter hung out in the TV room accompanying some of the patients and giving them a little attention. Some patients had family that came to see them and they were in the visiting room, surveyed by Natasha. Steve disappeared when he could but no one wondered where he went. He was sitting in Bucky’s room with him chatting away. Thor was still going around humming merrily to himself doing his rounds and being his jolly old self.  
Loki was sat on the floor of the TV room with Wanda, they were currently watching The Grinch, they were both enjoying it although there was the odd interruption from one of the other patients but they did their best to ignore it and enjoy the moment. Sam watched them from time to time happy to see that Loki seemed to be making friends since other than Bucky he mostly kept to himself but recently he had been reaching out to some of the other patients. Wade was sprawled out on the floor not paying much attention to the film but rather he was watching Peter who tried his best to ignore him. They got on pretty well, not like Bucky and Steve did but they could be considered friends. Wade was unfortunately a little on the down side most of the time, although he did seem to perk up when Peter was around, everyone had their favourites.  
“He’s looking at you again,” Sam whispered as his eyes moved from Wade to Peter,  
“I know but if he sees me noticing him we’ll end up ruining the film for everyone else,” Peter whispered back in response.  
Sam furrowed his brows, he couldn’t see what fascinated Wade so much, Peter was a young man like every other young man. He shrugged internally, he supposed he’d never get it but he knew he’d always question it.

“...Ma would always do the tree in red, silver and blue,” He said as the memories played in his head, “always the same decorations but every year she’d buy just one new one,”  
Bucky was on his front with his pillow tucked under his chin as he listened to Steve tell stories of past Christmases when he was younger.  
“Some of them were from before I was even born,” Steve chuckled lightly, “the two weeks before Christmas she’d make cookies, cakes, pies… anything really, the house would be filled with the scent of baked goods,”  
Bucky could just imagine it, the little fireplace going, stockings hung above it, twinkling of fairy lights and the smell of cinnamon and fruit.  
“Sounds a lot like what my parents used to do,” Bucky said with a faint smile, Steve moved around and got comfortable ready to listen to his friend share his tales.  
“Mum would always insist on putting up fairy lights in the windows,” He smirked, “Dad would always complain because he said you could never get them open but he let her do it anyways,”  
Steve smiled warmly,  
“I’d always help dad cut up the firewood although it generally ended up in a snowball fight, mum would get so upset because we’d come in freezing, she said that I’d probably end up getting frost bite or something since I refused to wear mittens… never happened though” Bucky looked at his hands with a vague smile.  
The image of a young Bucky hurling snowballs at his father danced in Steve’s head, red nosed and rosy cheeked, woolen hat atop his head and scarf wrapped tightly around his neck, little hands red and frozen but the laughter and happiness pushed away to pain in them.  
“We’d always have treats in the house, mum and nanna would make ‘em, I never understood how I didn’t turn into a chubby ball considering I always ate so much,”  
“All that running around and snowball fighting kept you skinny,” Steve commented with a toothy grin, “I was never allowed to play in the snow,” He added slowly, Bucky furrowed his brows.  
“Why not?”  
“I was too ill… my asthma would get bad if I stayed too long outside in the snow or I’d have a high risk of catching something else,”  
Bucky had almost forgotten Steve had spent a good part of his childhood in hospitals, you’d have never guessed in a million years that he had once been a scrawny little kid with so many health issues, now Steve had muscles and radiated good health, whenever Bucky questioned it Steve always said it was puberty.  
“Had we been friends as kids I’d have never let you get ill,” Bucky mumbled randomly, “I’d have been there to protect you from the cold, given you my hat and scarf as extra comfort,”  
His words tightened around Steve’s heart and he wished deep inside that they had been friends because maybe then Steve would have been able to protect Bucky too.  
“Then we could have played in the snow and built snowmen,” Bucky was rambling a bit but he didn’t care, neither did Steve, they were happy.  
Steve hummed with a beautiful smile, “Then after we could have gone back to my house for cookies and hot coco,”  
“Yeah…” Bucky’s voice was but a whisper as he imagined it in his head.  
They sat there in a comfortable silence thinking what life could have been like if they had met each other earlier.

Dinner time arrived and the patients were taken to the lunch hall for their Christmas dinner, Loki, Bucky and Wanda chuckled amongst themselves as they sat down with their trays.  
“The turkey looks a bit dry,” Wanda commented flatly as she stabbed the meat with her fork and held it up as if to inspect it.  
Loki made a face, it wasn’t that the food was bad here it just wasn’t prepared with much love. As if patients didn’t deserve a nicely packed meal, Loki supposed he might have felt angry if he knew what love was.  
“Well, enjoy your Christmas meal guys,” Bucky said as he looked over his dinner, dry looking turkey, peas, there were so many peas, they were in everything, mash and something that looked like stuffing.  
They were silent for a while as they ate, Loki picked at his meat scrunching up his nose at the dryness of it.  
“Would have been better with gravy,” Wanda mumbled as she watched Loki swallow down his mouthful.  
“You’re telling me,” He muttered with distaste.  
When they had all finished dessert was brought out cake, it looked fine enough. White icing covered the top and Loki found himself licking his lips.  
“Looks good,” Bucky said as he poked it with his spoon.  
To everyone’s surprise dessert wasn’t bad, the three of them ate their portions entirely. They walked back to their common room chitchatting between them. Loki wasn’t one to indulge in conversation a lot but today was apparently an exception.

Thor got home just after midnight, he hadn’t been planning on staying that long after his shift was over but the mood was good in the staff lounge that he stayed a few extra hours. He turned on the Christmas lights and smiled when the cheery music began to play along with the flashing lights. He hadn’t put out his train this year, he somewhat regretted it now though Forseti loved it, he’d watch it for hours. It was late but it was tradition and he hadn’t had the chance to do it earlier in the day, Thor quickly dialed his brother’s number and waited for him to answer.  
“Thor! Merry Christmas brother!” Balder greeted joyfully down the phone, Thor could tell he had been having a very merry Christmas.  
“And a very merry one to you too,” He said with a loving smile, “Did you have a good day?” He asked knowing already that Balder had been at work all day.  
“We were busy at work but I left an hour early to surprise my beautiful wife,” He told his brother all too happily, “Forseti was ecstatic with his presents, mother got him a new playhouse for inside the house… guess where he is sleeping tonight?”  
Thor couldn’t help but chuckle, “Oh I don’t know…” He pretended to think, “In his new house?”  
“Bingo!” Balder shouted cheerfully down the phone, “We put up some lights, blankets, a million pillows… I even want to sleep in there… hey Thor! You’ll have to come over one day for a sleepover and we’ll sleep in there like when we were kids!”  
The memory was fond, if Forseti’s new playhouse was anything their one when they were young both Balder and Thor could sleep in there with extra space for three other adults.  
“Maybe one day, let him enjoy it first before we break it,” Because Thor just knew they’d end up ruining it for the little guy.  
There came a hum of agreement on the other end.  
“We got him one of those mini electric cars with his name on the number plate, he loved it for all of two seconds then the playhouse was delivered,” Balder was smiling which reassured Thor, “Nanna was a little frustrated though…” His mood seemed slightly dampened at that statement, “I think she just wanted him to like the car… but in mum’s defence the house is amazing!”  
“You had a good Christmas then,” Thor was happy to know that they hadn’t been fighting or not enough to ruin Balder’s good spirit, “Are you still coming over tomorrow?”  
“Yes! Forseti has been going on and on about seeing his bestest uncle in the whole wide world!” This made Thor laugh, he had a special bond with his nephew, one that he wouldn’t change for the world,  
“However,” Came Balder’s voice in a very serious tone which kind of worried Thor, “He is deeply disappointed that uncle Thor did not get out the train this year,”  
His heart felt lighter at the revelation he was sure he could win back his nephew.  
“Then I look forward to seeing you tomorrow, Balder,” Thor said warmly, “Good night and once again Merry Christmas,”  
“Merry Christmas Thor”

The television played quietly, some sort of Christmas film, Steve wasn’t sure, he wasn’t really paying attention anymore. He was happily snuggled up in a throw over and a large mug of hot chocolate sat on the coffee table before him, forgotten, Steve was fast asleep with a peaceful smile gracing his lips. This year hadn’t been so bad, he had stayed long after his shift had finished to spend time with Bucky and some of the others but mainly for Bucky. They had laughed and dreamed, making plans for future Christmases and strangely it had been enough to lift Steve’s spirits.  
A small whimper escaped Steve’s mouth as he turned onto his back. His eyes fluttered open slowly as he woke from his sleep. Frowning, he glanced at the clock that hung on the wall, 3:38, he had been asleep for a couple of hours. He groaned when he moved and his back protested, his couch was not a good place to fall asleep on, especially curled up and his head at a funny angle on the arm rest. Slowly he stood, ignoring the slight pounding of his head, he stretched a little before shuffling off to the bathroom to brush his teeth before hopping into bed for another couple of hours of sleep.

***

The doorbell rang in the early afternoon and Thor ducked out of the kitchen to open it. He was attacked by a small boy as soon as the door was open, he couldn’t help but chuckle as Forseti wrapped his arms tight around him.  
“Uncle Thor!” He beamed as he looked up at his favorite uncle, “Merry Christmas!”  
Thor scooped his nephew up in his arms and hugged him tightly, “Christmas was yesterday buddy but Merry Christmas to you too,”  
With the boy in his arms he moved aside so Balder and Nanna could enter his apartment, as always his place was decorated from top to bottom in Christmas. Garlands and foil decorations covered the ceiling, more garlands on the walls along with twinkly lights, the odd Father Christmas ornament was placed around with snowmen and reindeers.  
“You certainly overdid it again this year,” Nanna said with a sweet smile.  
“He didn’t put out the train!” Forseti whined from his uncle’s arms, “but I forgive you,”  
Thor let out a chuckle, “Then I’m happy, ready for your present?” The small boy grinned.  
“Not going to say hello first?” Balder inquired with a smirk, Thor was terrible at Christmas he’d forget to be an adult and stuff his face and play. Thor all but pulled his brother into a bear hug crushing him. Balder wheezed out a chuckle, “I stand corrected, you’ve said hello”  
Thor let him go and turned to Nanna, he opened his arms for her and she quirked a thin brow, “You’re not going to squish me are you?”  
He shook his head in response before wrapping his arms around her, the embrace was snug and loving but not crushing.  
“I could never squish you Nanna, you’re far too elegant,”  
She let out a small chuckle as she parted from her brother in law.  
“Right presents!” Thor announced happily as he grabbed two large Santa bags, “that one is for you two and this one is for the bestest nephew ever,”  
Forseti beamed and took the bag happily, “Thank you,”  
Nanna nodded in approval that he hadn’t forgotten his manners.  
Thor had gotten a purple cashmere cardigan and pearl necklace for Nanna, along with other fun bits and bobs plus perfume. Balder got a collection of chocolates and a new watch, it just happened to be the one he had been going on about for the past six months.  
“Thor this watch is like 46,000$!” Balder gasped as he looked over the beautiful Patek Philippe watch, “I… oh my god Thor!” Was all he could say as he stared between his brother and the most beautiful watch he had ever laid eyes on.  
“I’m glad you like it,” Thor replied as he winked at Nanna who had been aware of the present since she had gone with him to get it.  
“Like? Thor, I love it,” He mumbled quietly in complete awe of the mechanics of the watch.  
Forseti got a lot of new toys, action men, superheroes, cars and even a new tract for his electric racing cars.  
“Spoilt,” Nanna said lovingly as she caressed Forseti’s hair gently,  
“Oh but we’re not finished,” Thor said jollily, he headed to his bedroom and came back dragging a huge box with him.  
“You didn’t,” Balder said with wide eyes,  
“Oh but I did,” Thor replied with an enthusiastic nod.  
Both Nanna and Forseti looked slightly confused as they watched the two of them, “What is it father?” He asked as he headed over to Balder.  
“Why don’t you open it,” Thor said with a proud grin.  
Forseti didn’t have to be asked twice, he ripped off the wrapping paper quickly and let out a squeal of joy.  
“Really?!”  
Thor nodded, “I know how much you like the stars so… I got you a telescope,”  
The young boy all but threw himself at his uncle hugging him tightly, “thank you, thank you, thank you!!!”  
“Now I know he really is spoilt,”  
“It’s Christmas,” Thor said simply.  
After Forseti released his uncle, Balder passed Thor the bag they had brought with them.  
“You know what’s in there,” He said with a smile,  
“Ahh my beers,” Thor said warmly, “My children, my babies, my loved ones,”  
Balder and Nanna couldn’t help the chuckle that left their lips as Thor cradled his crate of international beers.  
Nanna took a neatly wrapped gift out of another bag and handed it gently to Thor, “But you don’t know what this is,”  
He unwrapped it carefully, his eyes falling on the Grimm’s Fairy Tales. His hand caressed the hard front of the book before he opened it.  
“First edition?” He whispered before looking up at his brother and Nanna.  
They smiled at him and nodded, “We knew how much you love them, so we got you your own copy,” She said simply with warmth.  
He pulled them into a hug, “thank you,” 

***

“You have to take your meds Buck,” Steve said for the fourth time as he watched his friend eye the small cup of pills.  
He grunted, “I don’t want to…” was all he replied. Steve knew the meds made Bucky feel a bit groggy sometimes and if it was up to Steve he wouldn’t have Bucky take so many.  
“Yeah I know Buck,” Steve’s voice was low and little defeated, “But if you don’t they’ll only make you,”  
That worked, a couple of times before the nurses had forced his medication down his throat and personally he didn’t want to relive that. He tipped the cup allowing the pills to fall into his mouth before he swallowed them in one go, Steve offered him a small glass of water to which he just shook his head.  
“You wanna check?” He asked with a loud sigh.  
Steve trusted Bucky so he smiled and shook his head, “Nah we’re good,”  
Bucky gave a smirk, he’d have been a little hurt if Steve had wanted to inspect his mouth.  
“You want to maybe go for a walk?” Steve suggested with a hopeful smile. Bucky would have happily accepted but he already had something going on. His smile faded and he shook his head slowly.  
“Can’t, I’ve got a session with Stark,”  
The disappointment on Steve’s face could be seen clearly but he didn’t say anything about it. Bucky was honestly happy to see that Steve wanted to spend time with him, it was because of this man that he still held hope of maybe leaving this place.  
“Maybe another time yeah?”  
The boyish smile that washed over Steve’s face made Bucky smile maybe a bit wider than he would have liked.

It was later that day the lift doors opened and three people stepped out, one of them was Doctor Odinson, the other Logan and the third had to be the transfer patient. They walked along the hallway and headed into the blue wing, Wanda looked over at Bucky with her brow risen.  
“Looks like you and Loki have a new roomie,” She said in a hushed voice, Bucky shrugged, nothing said this guy was going to be a total douche just because he was on the criminal floor or at least he hoped that he wouldn’t be.  
“Did you see his face? I wonder where all those burns and scars came from,” She continued to say as they continued to look down the hall.  
“I heard he was in an accident, a building fell on him and some kind of a fire broke out,” Came Wade’s voice from behind them. The two of them turned to look at him both with questioning expressions on their faces.  
“Where’d you hear that?” Bucky asked  
“Peter,” Wade answered simply, the other two nodded, made sense.

“This is your room,” Thor said as he placed the patient’s things on his bed, “The common room is just down the hall, I’m sure you’ll be able to find it, if you have any questions I’m sure one of the carers can help you,”  
The patient nodded but he wasn’t really listening to the doctor, instead he was looking around and taking in his new environment. This place was a lot different from upstairs, everything seemed more homely and reassuring.  
“Now I don’t want to have any trouble,” Logan warned, “You get into anymore fights and I’m sending you back up there”  
Thor cleared his throat gaining the agent’s attention where he shook his head lightly, “Now, we have a session tomorrow, one of the carers will show you to my office, have a good day now,”  
Both the doctor and agent left but not before Logan gave the patient one last hard stare.  
“Well he’s moved in now… maybe we should go say hi?” Bucky suggested lightly, Wade seemed to think about it for a minute before he nodded.  
“Well if you two are going so am I… do you think we should ask Loki?”  
Bucky shook his head, Loki had been having a bit of a down day so far, he had been keeping to himself all day Bucky really didn’t think he’d want to make friends right now.  
They headed down the hall and over to the new patient’s room where Wade knocked on the open door. The man turned raising a would be brow at the three of them.  
“What’s this, the welcome committee?” He asked voice rough and slightly sarcastic.  
Wanda smiled slightly, “Yeah, you could say that, we thought we’d stop by and say hi,”  
The patient remained quiet as he observed the three newcomers, his eyes fell on Wade and his face softened, only a fraction but it happened. Someone else who looked as bad as he did, someone else who knew the pain of being engulfed by flames.  
“I’m Brock,” He introduced as he held out his hand, it seemed a little strange, someone holding out their hand given where they were.  
Bucky took it and gave him a decent hand shake, “I’m Bucky,” He greeted with a small smile, Wanda was the second one to give his hand a shake then finally Wade introduced himself.  
“So who am I sharing this wing with?” Brock asked as he looked around the small cosy wing.  
“That would be me and Loki”, Bucky replied.  
Brock raised a brow, “Loki?”  
“He is kinda shy at first, hates being touched but is a nice guy if you get past his walls,” Wanda told him with a small shrug, he didn’t need to know about the whole DID bit, Loki didn’t like people being told about it.  
“What you in for?” Wade asked suddenly, gaining the attention of his friends around him.  
You don’t just out right ask someone why they were admitted to a mental hospital, some people could turn on you real quick for asking that question.  
For a moment they thought Brock was offended by Wade’s question given his stern expression but slowly it changed and gave way to a small smirk.  
“Attempted murder…” he answered simply,  
The three of them just stared at him, minds filled with thousands of questions but none of them said anything.  
“They found me emotionally unstable so I wound up here…” He explained with a gesture of his hands,  
“Most of us are emotionally unstable here so you’ll fit in perfectly,” Wanda smiled as she spoke, “come on, we’ll show you around,” She beckoned him with her hand instead of touching him since she wasn’t aware if he was comfortable with that or not. The four of them walked back to the common room where a couple of the other patients turned their attention to the newcomer, Brock looked around taking everything and everyone in before taking a seat on the couch beside Wade.  
Steve and Sam looked at each other with a shrug, no one had really told them about the transfer patient, other than his name was Brock Rumlow.  
“Well he seems to have met the gang,” Sam muttered as he eyes the four of them.  
“Hmm, Wade seems to be taken with him,” Steve pointed out as they watched Wade chuckle lightly with Brock.  
They continued to watch the four patients interact, from the short time that Brock had been there, all of an hour, he seemed relatively harmless. He was easy with his movements, he didn’t tower over the other patients or even seem menacing, fingers crossed that first impressions weren’t wrong.  
From the other side of the room Loki watched the group, if he had been feeling a little more friendly he might have gone over there and introduced himself but as it was he didn’t feel like mingling with the others.  
There came a short burst of laughter from the couch which made Loki jump about three feet into the air. He placed a hand over his heart and willed himself to calm down, what was wrong with him today? He never got this jumpy. Slowly he stood from where he had been standing and snuck out of the common room making sure no one noticed.  
He took deep breaths as he walked down the hall and thought about things that made him happy, Loki smiled lightly as he got further and further away from the other patients. He stopped when he noticed the third bedroom door open, the newbie apparently would be residing with him and Bucky. Worry flared up inside him, he didn’t like change, what if this new guy was like Thanos? Or worse… Like Laufey. Loki swallowed loudly as he willed his feet to work and finally headed into his room closing the door partially behind him. He was shaking as he sat down on his bed, it happened every time a new face arrived on their floor.  
Before he knew it worry had taken over and his mind was going fuzzy, a nap, yes that would be a good idea. Loki laid down on his bed and closed his eyes willing the nausea to fade along with the dizziness. 

An hour, maybe two passed before Loki woke from his nap. Slowly he sat up and stretched, he looked down at himself noting that nothing seemed out of place, no one had seemed to have bothered him whilst he had been sleeping, good. Loki headed out of the room, he walked slowly, his left foot dragging ever so lightly against the tiled flooring, Bucky was the first to notice it. He narrowed his eyes a little as he observed his friend, Loki’s posture was completely different from normal. Loki usually tried to make himself look small but not right now, he walked with his head held high as he eyed everyone in the room, his gaze suspicious.  
“Hey Loki’s back,” Wanda said as she leaned over to Bucky, “Maybe he’ll wanna meet Brock now,”  
She was all about ready to call him over when Bucky grabbed her arm causing her to look back at him.  
“That’s not Loki,” Was all he said. Wanda nodded slowly and sat back down in her seat as she too observed the young man.  
By this time both Wade and Brock had turned their attention to the other two awaiting an explanation.  
“That’s Loki?” Brock asked voice a little louder than Bucky would have liked, the young man standing at the entrance of the common room looked over at them narrowing his icy green eyes, “He seems real friendly,” Brock said sarcastically.  
“That’s because it isn’t him,” Bucky hissed back. Brock looked absolutely lost, his brows knit together as he looked from Bucky to Loki and back again.  
“Then who the fuck is he?”  
Wanda rolled her eyes, Bucky was a darling but sometimes he spoke in riddles.  
“Loki suffers from DID, that’s him but not really…” She explained quietly as she pointed to the young man who had sat himself down in the corner on the floor.  
“DID?” Brock asked even more confused, “What? He has schizophrenia?”  
“Something like that,” Wade answered, Brock nodded slowly, he wasn’t completely fully understanding but they seemed to be wary of him right now so he’d follow. Because even though he was a hot headed son of a bitch Brock wasn’t stupid, and he really didn’t want to piss off some crazy ass mental patient.  
Whilst they continued their conversation Bucky got up and headed out to the employee lounge where he guessed someone must have been, he could have just told Clint, who as always was sat in a corner silently watching everyone. It was Sam he found, he knocked on the door gaining the man’s attention.  
“Sam, Luke’s had a…” He paused when his mind went blank, what was he supposed to say? Was it a fit? A turn?  
Sam raised a curious brow to him, “Who?” He thought for a moment before he realised who Bucky was talking about, “What’s wrong?” There was no screaming so there wasn’t a fight going on.  
“Uh… his condition is playing up?” Was all Bucky could find to say to explain it.  
Sam nodded, he wasn’t really the best one to deal with Loki’s alters but Peter wasn’t in today and Steve was somewhere else so he’d have to do it. The two of them headed back out of the room and back to where Loki was sitting in the corner.  
“Which one is it?” Sam asked as they walked calmly.  
Bucky shrugged, “The one with the limp… I can barely remember my own name sometimes, how’d you expect me to remember all of his?”  
The last of Bucky’s answers was ignored, but the fact it was the one with the limp was at least something, Sam really didn’t want to ever meet the other one.  
“Shouldn’t we like get Stark?” Bucky mumbled as they entered the common room.  
It was probably a good idea but Sam was sure he could get Loki to go back to his room until he woke up.  
“I suggest you go sit back down with your friends,” Sam told Bucky as he headed over to the corner slowly trying his best not to startle the patient. Clint caught sight of Sam and what he was doing, he pushed himself off the wall and moved a little closer, just in case.  
“Hey Loki,” Sam greeted with a pleasant smile.  
The young man looked up, his cold stare locking onto Sam.  
“What do you want?” He snapped,  
Talking with Loki’s alter was like walking on eggshells, you had to be really careful what you said and how you said it.  
“Where’s Loki?” He asked gingerly, trying his best not to anger the alter.  
Minutes passed, and the man said nothing, it was often like that when his alter manifested. He’d give everyone the silent treatment, it was probably because he didn’t trust anyone but no one could really blame him after what Loki had lived through.  
“He’s safe,” Was the response Sam got.  
Sam nodded, “You know what? I’m going to go get Doctor Stark, I think he’ll want to speak with you,” Everyone knew that Loki’s alter didn’t think much of Tony but he was after all his doctor so he had to be alerted about this. The young man narrowed his eyes but didn’t speak, there was no point in protesting this, it would only mean more interfering and possibly medication. 

Tony looked up when there came a knock at his door, he nodded to Sam when he peeked in.  
“What’s up?” He asked as he leaned back from his computer where he had been working on a patient’s file.  
“Loki’s alter has made an appearance, thought I’d let you know,”  
There came an exhale before Tony stood, “which one?” He didn’t actually think that the other one would manifest but he’d rather know if they were in any danger.  
“The same one as usual,”  
He grabbed his blouse coat before he left and threw it on as he walked down the long hallway.  
“There hasn’t been an outburst?” Tony asked as he walked three paces ahead of Sam, his steps were a little more hurried than usual, although this alter wasn’t violent any provocation and the other one might appear.  
“No, he’s just sitting in a corner, Clint is keeping an eye out just in case,”  
Tony nodded in response and slowed his paces once the common room was in sight. He took a deep breath before entering then headed over to Loki.  
“Hello Byleistr,” He greeted as he crouched down so he was at the same height as his patient.  
“Doctor,”  
Tony chewed down on his bottom lip in thought as he watched the man before him, Sam hadn’t mentioned any sort of attack on Loki’s person, nothing that would have triggered this.  
“Do you want to come with me and talk about it?”  
Byleistr’s jaw clenched as he looked at the Doctor, “I don’t suppose I have a choice,” he said stubbornly. Tony went to put a hand on his shoulder but stopped when he saw the look Byleistr gave him.  
“Good choice,” He growled when Tony lowered his hand.  
Byleistr walked several paces behind the Doctor, keeping a sharp eye on him, Tony opened his office door and let his patient walk in before following him.  
“Why are you here Byleistr?” He questioned once they were both seated.  
“I’m protecting him,”  
“From what?”  
Silence filled the room as Byleistr stared at Stark with a raised brow, apparently it was obvious to the alter why he had stepped in.  
“Explain it to me so I can understand,”  
The young man exhaled, “That new patient, the one hanging around with Loki’s friends”  
Tony’s brows knit together in thought, “Has he said anything to Loki?”  
“No… we just don’t trust him,” he replied as he sat further back in his seat, never once taking his eyes off Stark.  
Okay so this was just Byleistr jumping to conclusions and keeping Loki away from potential danger, nothing had happened which was a good thing since it meant that Stark could possibly stand a chance of convincing Byleistr to retreat and let Loki back.  
“Why don’t you let Loki talk to Bucky or one of the others about the newbie?” Stark suggested lightly and with a smile, “See what they have to say about him?”  
Byleistr narrowed his eyes as he thought about it, the idea seemed easy enough but that was just it, it was so easy. Something could go wrong, they might say this patient was harmless and then without warning he might turn on Loki and hurt him. Byleistr couldn’t risk such a thing, for Loki’s sake and everyone else's.  
“Well?”  
“I’m thinking” he growled in response.  
Tony held up his hands showing he meant no harm, that he wasn’t going to push the alter to answer before he was ready. He sat back in his chair and waited patiently, quietly opening a document on the PC where he began to type some of his observations.  
“I suppose I could do that…” He finally said, icy voice cutting through the silence of the room, “But, if anything goes wrong and something happens to Loki, I’ll hold you responsible,” Byleistr warned.  
With a nod Tony agreed, “I understand but nothing says things will go badly,”  
The chair scraped as Byleistr pushed it back to get to his feet, that was the thing with him, he’d end therapy sessions when he wanted to.  
“And Byleistr,”  
He stopped at the door turning his icy glare to the doctor,  
“You have to let Loki live a little,”  
The young man scoffed before leaving.  
“Idiot” Byleistr growled under his breath as he left.  
A small whimper echoed down the hall as Loki clutched the barrier, he cleared his throat and slowly opened his eyes feeling confusion swamp him. His mind was filled with fog and it was clearing, he looked around realising he wasn’t in his room but in the hallway, oh no, it had happened again. Tears stung his eyes as panic filled him, this was always part of the process, he’d wake up from being held captive in his own brain and worry would wash over him because he could never be too sure what the others had done during his absence. At least this time he wasn’t strapped to his bed. Loki took in a deep breath and let it out again, willing himself to calm down, he didn’t need someone noticing or worse his alter manifesting again. When he was sure he wasn’t going to break down crying, Loki headed back to the common room where Bucky smiled and headed over to him.  
“You okay?” He asked quietly once he reached the younger man.  
Loki nodded but his fake smile was absent.  
“You didn’t hurt anyone… you know if that’s what you’re afraid of,” Bucky said, trying his best to lift Loki’s spirits.  
The corners of the young man’s mouth turned up but not enough to have an actual smile gracing his thin lips.  
“What happened? Someone hurt you?”  
“No…” He answered as he shook his head lightly, “I remember getting worked up… because I saw the new guy,” Loki felt absolutely stupid for feeling that way but Bucky had never judged him before when he had funny turns.  
“Br..Brock?” Bucky looked behind him where Wanda and Brock were laughing at something, “Yeah he looks like he’ll crush you at first sight but he seems pretty decent,”  
Loki nodded although he didn’t really believe Bucky’s words. They’d known him, what all of five minutes? It took years to really get to know someone and even then you might not have really met the real them.  
“You maybe want to give him a chance?” Bucky suggested with a shrug.  
It took a moment but Loki nodded shyly and they headed over to the couch where the other three were. Wanda gave Loki a warm smile when she noticed him and patted the seat beside her.  
“Hey Loki this is Brock, he’s new,” Wade said as he pointed to the new patient.  
Loki gave a small nod but remained silent. Brock watched carefully, indeed the young man sitting on the other side of Wanda looked a bit different from the man he had seen earlier.  
“Loki’s a bit shy…”  
“I’m fine,” He cut in softly, “I just…” he looked up from his lap and held Brock’s gaze, “Th- I don’t trust you,” HIs words were quiet and unsure, he hated opening up like that and making himself vulnerable but something inside his head was telling him he needed to do this.  
Brock’s expression didn’t change from his scowl but something in his eyes did, until finally he nodded.  
“You’ve been through some shit haven’t you kid,” Was all he said. His words went straight to Loki’s heart, he lifted a thin brow as he stared at Brock, “I have no interest in hurting anyone,”  
Wade, Wanda and Bucky smiled but Loki didn’t, he couldn't be sure, he’d forever doubt that anyone was as harmless as they claimed to be.  
“I hate to cut in, but don’t we have group?” Wade said as he pointed a finger behind him towards the exit after he quickly checked the large clock that hung above the entrance.  
There came some agreement, Wade and Wanda stood but not before turning to Brock, “You coming?”  
He frowned, “Uh…”  
“It’s voluntary, anyone is welcome…”  
“You could come and meet some of the others too,”  
Brock agreed and followed them out of the room.  
Loki turned to Bucky who sat himself down on the other side of the couch, “You’re not going?”  
He shook his head, “Nah… Unless you wanna be alone,”  
He had to admit that he felt a little something, Bucky never missed group with Steve, like never, so for him to offer to stick around was something nice.  
“No… I don’t wanna be alone” 

Later that day Steve knocked on Bucky’s door, smiling when the young man looked up from the book he was reading and smiled warmly.  
“Hey,”  
“Hey, you missed session,”  
Bucky closed his book, not bothering to remember what page he was on, and put it under the bed. He moved over so Steve could sit beside him, they were silent for a moment as they got comfortable.  
“Yeah… Loki didn’t feel like being alone…” He explained as he picked at the thread on the sleeve of his jumper.  
Sam had explained what had happened so Steve knew what Bucky was talking about. He couldn’t help the loving smile that graced his lips as he watched his friend,  
“Always so thoughtful,” His voice was soft and quiet, Bucky wasn’t sure if Steve was even talking to him.  
“How’d it go?” Bucky asked as he looked up,  
“Good, Brock was really receptive, the others welcomed him happily,” Steve told his friend who nodded as he listened.  
“So you wanna go for that walk?” Steve tried again with another hopeful smile, “I heard Tony cancelled your session,”  
A wide smile spread across Bucky’s face, “Yeah,” They hopped off the bed and headed out, Bucky shutting his door behind him, fully knowing that someone would come by and open it again because that’s how things were here.  
Bucky let out a happy sigh as the cool air hit his face, it had been a while since he had taken a walk in the gardens. It was a bit nippy but Bucky wasn’t about to complain, he pulled the collar of his large jumper closer to his skin as they walked.  
“You should have really put a coat on,” Steve commented as he noticed Bucky trying to warm up,  
“Meh,” was all he replied,  
The more they walked, the colder Bucky began to feel. He tried his best to hide it from Steve but it was useless, Steve stopped suddenly which made Bucky stop in turn. To his surprise his friend pulled him into a warm tight embrace. Bucky’s eyes widened a little, since he wasn’t expecting Steve to do a thing like that but after a heartbeat he relaxed into the hug and wrapped his own arms around Steve.  
“I’m only hugging you back so I can steal your warmth more,” Bucky joked although the utter truth was because he just wanted to hug Steve.  
“That’s fine by me,” Steve’s voice was quiet as they stood there for a moment longer trapped in their own little bubble.  
***

It wasn’t that Brock was a bad person, he wasn’t even a violent person if he could avoid it, yes he had a short fuse and could blow up in your face in a matter of seconds but he wasn’t a bad person. Or at least he hadn’t been, it had all changed though when he had his accident. He scoffed at the word, accident, a word used to excuse people who weren’t paying attention. The whole thing could have been avoided if they’d have just paid a little more attention. As it was he was left with gnarly burnt scars and ugly scarred tissue all over his body, he face wasn’t too bad though, you could still recognize him if you really focused and all that thanks to a fucking building being dropped on him.  
“Brock?” Came Thor’s voice cutting through his thoughts and bringing him back to reality.  
He grunted lowly as he looked around the small office, a couple of photos were hung up along with his degrees. They were probably photos of his family, Brock did notice however the lack of a photo of a wife or girlfriend. Doctor Odinson was different from his previous Doctor, Banner, a quiet man who tried to be friendly to his patients but never got too close. Whereas Odinson seemed to really put himself out there, this was their first session together but he had already seen him interact with some of the others.  
“We were talking about-” He was cut off by Brock waving his hand dismissing the man sitting before him.  
“I know what we were talking about,” He said with a roll of his eyes, “There is still a little pain sometimes when I wake up, not that I can really feel it… more of a dull throbbing but mostly everything is numb… sometimes walking is hard but I live with it, it’s not like anyone can take that away is it?”  
Thor nodded listening quietly as he jotted down notes on his pad. Brock watched raising what would have been an eyebrow, Thor had been rather quiet so far, he seemed to be listening, letting Brock let it all out which was nice for a change. He had to admit that he hadn’t been so sure about changing Doctors at first, he didn’t know Odinson but for the moment he seemed okay.  
“But that’s not really what you want to talk about is it?” Brock questioned as he leaned back in his seat folding his hands behind his head and just sat there watching the Doctor.  
Thor put his pen down, observing his patient quietly, “No but if you’re not ready for that then we won’t speak about it,”  
Brock let out a bark of laughter, “ready?” He shook his head, “I’ve never not been ready, I don’t even know why I’m here and not in prison somewhere for what I did,”  
A small hum came from the doctor as he watched patiently before he nodded and noted something else to the already three page long notes he had been taking since the beginning of their session.  
“I’m listening,” He commented calmly waiting for his patient to continue.  
Brock took a long breath before letting it out, “Not much to say really, you’ve got the files and I’m sure you’ve read that other doctor’s long opinion on me,” He started with a slight grimace, “People didn’t do their job, ceiling came down on my face, fire started and well...” He gestured to himself as if it explained it.  
There was a silence for a moment as Thor nodded silently, indeed he had read Brock’s file a few times since yesterday, read the long drawn out professional opinion of Doctor Banner had given but he now wanted to hear it from Brock’s own mouth.  
“Once I was able to get out of the hospital and able to walk properly,” He chuckled hollowly, “If you can call it proper, I found the guys responsible for the accident and gave ‘em a little correction,”  
“You broke their legs and set them on fire,” Thor stated with a brow risen.  
Brock nodded, “Yep,” He sounded rather proud of it and truth be told he was, given that his whole body had screamed at him when he moved, his legs protested such exercise and yet he had still been able to attack two healthy grown ass men, and he was proud of that.  
“Like I said I don’t even know why I’m in here,” He shrugged,  
Thor leaned over slightly as he placed his hands on the neatly organised desk clasp before him, “Because the court found you guilty but unstable for prison, so you’re to live out your sentence here,”  
He had been told before that he was unstable, the people at the hospital had told him all those years ago that he was probably emotionally unstable, the psychiatrist who evaluated him when he’d been arrested had told him, and now Odinson was telling him but Brock didn’t see it, he really didn’t. He shrugged his shoulders and went back to looking around the room, his eye caught on something that made him smile, a picture obviously drawn by a small child. Thor followed his gaze and smiled himself at the picture Forseti had drawn for him.  
“You got kids?” Brock found himself asking,  
Thor shook his head, “A nephew,” This was actually a good transition, Thor had read in Brock’s file he had a son of his own, “You have children?” He asked.  
“You know I do, it’s in the file,” He answered as he turned to look back at the Doctor.  
Thor nodded with a kind smile, “How old is he?”  
“He’s five,” The smile that graced Brock’s face was one of a proud parent, Thor had seen it many times on Balder’s face when he spoke about his son.  
The same age as Forseti, Thor thought, how hard it must be to be away from your young child. It was noted in his file that he hadn’t actually seen his son since he had been admitted.  
“What’s his name?”  
Brock chuckled, “You wanna talk about my son Doc?” His voice was guarded with just a touch of aggressiveness.  
“Only if you want to, it might do you some good,”  
He narrowed his eyes slightly as he thought about it, eventually he nodded, “Sure but not today, the clock says our session is over”  
The doctor nodded and sighed lightly, “Of course, I’ll be seeing you tomorrow Brock,”  
He gave a nod and stood brushing himself off like he did every time, it was a habit that stayed after working so many years in construction.  
“Of course Doc, not like I can get away from you in here,”  
“One more thing before you go,” Thor said catching Brock’s attention before he left, “It’s good to see Mr. Rollins is visiting you,”  
Brock didn’t say anything but he nodded then left before he could be stopped again. Outside in the halls he allowed himself to smile, he was happy too that Jack kept visiting him but he’d never tell another living soul that incase they took him away.  
“Hey Brock,” Another patient greeted as they walked down the hall.  
“Wade,” He replied as his expression changed, smile lost and his everyday frown was back in place.

Tony spied Steve from the other side of the lunch hall, he looked peaceful as he ate his salad and read whatever book he had brought with him. Tony smirked and headed over to him, taking a seat opposite the younger man.  
“I was thinking…” He began casually, Steve lifted his gaze to look at his coworker,  
“That’s always bad news,” Steve joked with a smirk  
Tony ignored his remark and continued his train of thought, “If you’re not doing anything tonight, wanna come and celebrate the new year with me?”  
Steve swallowed down his mouthful buying himself some time before answering, “Uh… I wasn’t planning on going out tonight,”  
“You mean you were planning on counting down the new year with Barnes,” Tony corrected, he knew Steve too well to know that he wouldn’t be doing anything else other than that.  
“Well I mean yeah,”  
It took everything inside him not to roll his eyes, “Barnes isn’t going anywhere, come out with me tonight,”  
Stark’s charms were working but Steve wasn’t about to abandon Bucky, he’d already said he would be staying the evening to see the new year in with him.  
“Maybe another night?”  
Tony chuckled, “New year’s is one night, Rogers,” He waved his hand dismissing it, “You’re not working tomorrow evening,” He smirked at Steve.  
“I guess I can have a few drinks with you tomorrow evening,”  
The grin that spread across Stark’s face made butterflies bloom within Steve’s stomach. Tony got up ready to leave but not before grabbing Steve’s bottle of water and heading away with it.  
“Hey, my water,” Steve called after the other man who simply turned his head and winked. To say that he wasn’t left feeling a little confused would have been a lie, Tony seemed awfully playful today.  
He finished his lunch before heading back to his floor where Sam was busy chatting to Peggy who smiled lovingly at Steve when she spotted him.  
“Hey, we were just making plans for tonight, wanna join?” Sam asked as he pointed from Peggy to himself then to Steve.  
“I promised Buck I’d see the new year in with him,” Steve admitted with a shy smile, it wasn’t that it was against the rules, much, but it was kind of frowned upon. Sam shook his head, he should have known as much, if Steve could fit Bucky in his pocket he’d walk him straight out of here.  
“Okay man, just don’t stay here all night,” Sam warned knowing that Steve would get into a hell of a lot of trouble if Fury found him curled up on Bucky’s bed in the morning.  
Steve held up his hands and gave his best boyish smile, “I’m not planning on getting into any trouble, just gonna watch the year run out and that’s all,”  
Peggy up till now had been silent simply smirking with her beautiful red lips pursed.  
“Steve hun, you couldn’t keep out of trouble even if you tried,”  
He opened his mouth to protest but she gave him that look, she did have a point though. Trouble seemed to find him almost always, how many times had they been out for drinks and Steve would finish in an alley fighting because someone needed help. And when it came to Bucky things were no different, Steve would walk through fire for him, not that he would tell anyone that.  
“But Sam’s right, don’t stay here too long darling,” She kissed Steve lightly on the temple before waving goodbye to the two of them and heading off to get some more work done.  
“I swear sometimes she acts like your mum,” Sam said with a smirk as he watched Peggy greet a patient further down the hall.

The end of the day arrived, Tony tried once more to convince Steve to walk out with him but the younger man declined his offer. He huffed and threw an arm around Rhodey as they headed for the elevator.  
“You sure Stevie?” Tony called again in his most adorable voice,  
“Tomorrow Tony,” He replied shaking his head with a smile,  
“Boo you whore,”  
Steve’s mouth dropped open, he was about to say something but Tony and Rhodey headed into the lift and were out of sight before he could.

The hospital was quiet, like it usually was this time of night. It had been a while since Steve had worked the night shift, it was certainly seen as the easier shift. No therapy sessions, group, making sure patients take their meds, just doing an occasional round to make sure everyone was asleep. Tonight would have been no different except that Bucky’s light was still on and inside the room Steve and Bucky were sitting on the bed snuggled up in the duvet.  
“I haven’t had cheesy puffs in years!” Bucky said lovingly as he stuffed another one into his mouth. Steve had sneaked in a couple of snacks to make the occasion a little more special.  
“Well I know how much you like them,”  
A few snacks were actually, several packets of cheesy puffs and other crisps, twizzlers, a bottle of soda. Thankfully Fury hadn’t seen him sneak it all in at the end of the day because he would have gotten a talking to but it was all worth it anyway just to see Bucky smile.  
“What’s the time?” Bucky thought to ask since they had been chatting and laughing for a while, and knowing them they’d probably miss the new year completely.  
Steve slipped out his phone from his pocket and looked at it, 11:49, “got another couple of minutes yet,”  
The sounds of food packets rustling sounded in the room as Bucky pulled out a handful and stuffed them into his mouth,  
“Uhuh,” He managed through a full mouth, that was probably one thing he missed most about being on the outside, the food. Food in the hospital was, bland, to say the least, sometimes Bucky got the impression that it only made some patients even unhappier. What would it cost to have a little love in the food? A little care?  
“Didn’t you have any other plans tonight?” He said after finishing his mouthful,  
“Uh… Tony asked me out for a couple of drinks but I’d already promised to spend the night with you,” He nudged Bucky’s shoulder lightly with his and smiled brightly at his friend. Bucky would have returned the smile but he got the impression Steve felt obligated to stay.  
“If you wanted to go drinking with Stark you were more than welcome to,” Bucky said with a light shrug. Steve shook his head quickly realising how it must have sounded to him.  
“No Buck, I’d rather spend time with you, honestly,” He put an arm around his friend’s shoulders and pulled him in for a hug. Bucky rested his head on Steve’s shoulder, lingering in the warmth Steve gave off.  
“Thanks Stevie,” Bucky mumbled,  
They went back to eating snacks and bickering over the cheesy puffs, Steve tried his best to wrestle the packet out of Bucky’s hands but it was to no avail, he wasn’t giving them up.  
“Fine, then I’m keeping the twizzlers,” Steve said as he stuck out his tongue,  
Bucky chuckled, “You really think you’ll keep me away from them if I want one?”  
“Yeah,”  
Another chuckle, “I’m ex army, I’d overpower you,” Bucky said jokingly as he tried to seem menacing but failed as a light orange dust covered his lips and chin.  
Steve raised a brow as he got an idea, “Uhuh,” He smirked before grabbing all the twizzlers and licking them. Bucky stared at him in disbelief as he watched Steve grin at him proudly, “I don’t think you want one now,”  
“You really don’t know me Stevie,” Was all Bucky said before grabbing one and stuffing it in his mouth, “Your spit doesn’t bother me, I’ve had worse things in my mouth” He mumbled as he chewed.  
Steve shook his head, not being able to contain the smile that spread over his lips. He checked his phone and sobered quickly, “Bucky it’s almost midnight,”  
They huddled together and watched as the time on the screen changed.  
“Happy New Year Stevie,”  
“You too Buck,”  
Bucky slipped his arms around Steve and held him for a moment, neither said a word and Steve didn’t try to pull back, just returned the hug and let Bucky hold him for as long as he wanted. To be honest Steve would have stayed like this forever, Bucky was really special.

2:45, Steve rubbed his eyes as he looked at the time again, when did he fall asleep? Damn, he did exactly what he said he wasn’t going to do. Apparently no one had seen them, or at least no one that wanted to get Steve into trouble. He sat up and stretched the best he could without actually getting up. Bucky was asleep right next to him curled up in a ball with the duvet snug around him, Steve couldn’t help but smile, like this Bucky seemed so peaceful which made a difference since usually he never slept great. Something inside told Steve it was because he was there but really that sounded a little selfish and silly so he ignored it. Quietly he tidied up the empty packets and put them back in the bag he had brought with him before pulling on his coat. He smiled down at Bucky who hadn’t budged and headed out of the room shutting the door quietly behind him.

Sam shook his head the moment he saw Steve the next day, bluish circles under his eyes and a tired expression spread over his face.  
“When did you leave?” He asked as they walked down the hall getting ready to start their day.  
Steve remained silent for a moment longer before answering, “2-ish”  
“Which means more like 3am,” Sam said voice clearly a little annoyed by Steve’s actions, “Come on you said you weren’t going to stay that long,”  
If there was one thing Steve hated, it was being lectured. It wasn’t like he was doing anything wrong staying behind with Bucky. Weren’t they supposed to care for the patients? That’s all Steve was doing, offering a little comfort to a patient.  
“It’s not like I spent the whole night here,” It was far too early in the morning to be arguing about his friendship with Bucky.  
“Yeah yeah,”  
They parted ways each going to a different wing, ready to wake up the patients that were still sleeping. Sam took to the Blue Wing before Steve could which made him huff a little.

Loki had finished breakfast, he was sitting in Stark’s office now just staring at the doctor. He knew where this was going, it always happened.  
“Loki,” He began gently enough.  
Here we go, Loki thought.  
“I think we need to talk about what happened,” He suggested as he raised his brows somewhat hopefully.  
The young man let out a quiet sigh, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk about it, it was just he couldn’t.  
“I… I can’t…”  
Tony felt the urge to sigh, every time they approached the subject Loki was freeze up.  
“You’ve been here eleven years Loki, I think it’s time we tried to at least talk about your father,”  
The panic flooded Loki at the mention of the man that still haunted his dreams, he let out a breath and ignored the tears which began to build up in his eyes.  
“You don’t understand,” He whispered almost pleadingly, a small whimper escaped him as he tried his best to calm down.  
“Loki, I just want to talk about Laufey,”  
“Do not mention his name,” Came a familiar cold voice, it was that of Byleistr. Tony was used to Loki’s alter during their sessions, he was what was keeping Loki from talking about his father.  
He cleared his throat feeling a little uncomfortable under the harsh gaze of the alter.  
“Byleistr as much as you think you’re helping Loki, you’re not. You’re preventing him from talking, ultimately keeping him from getting the help he needs,”  
Byleistr didn’t much like the tone of voice of the Doctor, “You’re so very arrogant aren’t you Doctor”, the glare the man threw his way made Stark’s blood run cold, “You think you know what’s best for Loki but you have no idea, none of you do, if any of you did you would have helped him years ago,”  
During this rant Tony sat there trying his hardest not to feel intimidated by the alter.  
“You’re probably right there Byleistr, I don’t know how to help him…”  
The alter smirked,  
“But that’s your fault,” He pointed out, “As I said before you’ve kept Loki from talking about it, no one here knows what he went through because you won’t let him talk about it,”  
A loud growl filled the room as Byleistr stood suddenly, “And why do you think I protect him?” He snarled angrily.  
“Do I need to call security?” Tony mentioned calmly.  
The young man clenched his jaw and backed away from the desk, “No, we’re done here,” The young man walked over to the door and pulled it open with a little more aggressively than was needed but Tony said nothing, just let him go.  
On his way out Byleistr was met by Brock who didn’t see him coming. Before either one could come to a halt Byleistr fell to the floor with a loud thud. Brock lifted what would have been an eyebrow in surprise.  
“Sorry Loki, I didn’t see you,” He said as he helped the young man to his feet. He was a little taken back when Loki pushed him away and glared straight at him.  
“Keep your filthy hands off him,” He snarled angrily,  
Brock frowned, not realising what he had done wrong only to notice the strange glint in Loki’s eyes, how the innocence was gone but replaced with ice and distrust.  
“Oh…”  
The corner of Loki’s mouth turned up in a growl as he glared death at the larger man before him. Loki’s hands balled up into fists, “You’re all the same, perverts,”  
This had Brock’s temper rising, he didn’t mind being called many things but he most definitely wasn’t a pervert.  
“What did you just say?” He said calmly although he was sure there was a bite to his voice.  
Loki stepped up to him, keeping a small distance nonetheless, still glaring up at him, “You’re like all the men, a pervert, a pedophile… whatever you want to call it, you force yourself onto others!” His voice had gotten slightly louder attracting Bucky’s attention when he was walking down the hall. Jogging over he arrived in time to see the twisted angry expression spreading over Brock’s face.  
“Whoa whoa whoa,” He managed to put himself between the two to avoid any sort of physical fighting, “what’s going on,” He asked, turning to Brock for an explanation.  
Tearing his eyes away from Loki, Brock looked at him and let out a long puff of air, “He got all up tight because I accidentally knocked him over, then started accusing me of being a fucking pedophile,”  
Bucky’s heart sank at those words, so the rumors were true. He swallowed and looked at Loki seeing the clear difference in the man’s eyes.  
“Uh…” Damn, why couldn’t he remember names? “He doesn’t know about you,” Bucky said, hoping it was enough for Byleistr to understand.  
Byleistr was still glaring at Brock, “Does that change anything?”  
How Loki hadn’t gone insane with an alter like that, since he was such a pain in the ass was beyond Bucky but right now he had to diffuse this before Brock started throwing punches or worse.  
“I mean, he doesn’t realise it’s not L…” he could remember this, “Luke?”  
There came an annoyed growl, “Loki, his name is Loki you idiotic fool!”  
Bucky decided to ignore the alter and turned his attention to Brock because maybe he’d listen.  
“Like before, this isn’t him but one of the others,”  
Brock’s scowl remained but he nodded, accepting Bucky’s explanation. Without another word Brock headed off in his original direction.  
Feeling a little uncomfortable with the other personality Bucky made a half smile before sidestepping the man and heading away, he had enough stress for one day. If he wasn’t careful something would set off an episode and that he didn’t want. Usually he wouldn’t have bothered stepping in, patients fighting was no concern of his but Loki was a friend and he had already been through a lot so he’d protect him as much as he could.

As promised Steve and Tony went out for drinks to celebrate the new year. It wasn’t their usual place which came as some surprise to Steve. Instead, they went to a slightly classier bar which was also quieter, more intimate.  
“This is a nice place,” Steve said as they sat down in a quiet spot away from the other people.  
Tony smirked, “I know right”, he turned his attention to the waitress as she was coming over, “two whiskies please,”  
“Uh actually, I’ll have a beer,” Steve piped up with a shy smile.  
She nodded and headed away to get their orders.  
Steve felt a little out of place, he had never been out with just Tony so this was new not to mention that he didn’t know this bar either.  
“You come here often?”  
“Sometimes…” was Tony’s vague reply.  
Their drinks arrived and slowly they settled into a comfortable conversation. It was easy and Steve found himself enjoying Tony’s company, something he never thought he’d ever think.  
“So you got anyone special in your life Steve?” Tony asked after a while of normalities.  
He pulled his glass away from his lips showing his shy smile, “No… not for a while,”  
This had Tony raising a brow and getting comfy in his seat, he wanted to know all, “What do you call a while?”  
“Four years,” Steve admitted although he was feeling a little embarrassed.  
Tony smirked, well this did come as some surprise, he’d have imagined Steve with someone or at least having a couple of flings.  
“So…” he began, his smirk still in place, “any one night stands?”  
Steve’s mouth dropped at the question, he knew that Stark was straight forward but yikes.  
“Oh come on Rogers, we’re both adults,”  
“No one,”  
“What? Why?”  
Steve was honestly surprised at how shocked Tony sounded. If he thought about it he just didn’t feel the need, of course, he got aroused and all that but nothing that a good porno and his own company couldn’t handle. He was content with his life, he had no empty spot devouring him from the inside.  
“I don’t know,” A shrug accompanied his reply.  
An idea popped into Tony’s head and he smirked mischievously.  
“Well,” He started smoothly, “I could always give you a hand,”  
For a moment Steve was completely dumbfounded but he smiled and guessed that Tony was joking around.  
“Yeah, you’re hilarious,” Steve patted him on the shoulder and shook his head lightly.  
Sighing internally, Stark forced a light hearted chuckle. Steve was obviously oblivious to the invitation, but no matter, he would wait for Steve to fall for his charms.

Brock waltzed into Thor’s office the next day after lunch, he was feeling in a rather good mood today. He nodded to the doctor before sitting down in the chair waiting for him. Thor seemed to have been going over his file or something along those lines since it was open and sitting on the desk, a blank note pad was sitting by the file waiting for the good doctor to jot down his findings.  
“Good afternoon Brock, how are you feeling today?” Thor asked with a pleasant smile.  
“Fine, what do ya wanna talk about today?” Brock went straight to it, he wasn’t in the mood for banalities, it wasn’t like he was there to make friends.  
“Your son?” Thor suggested as he raised his brow to his patient as he waited for an answer.  
Well, he knew it was going to happen, sooner or later they were going to want to speak about his little boy and up until now he had been able to avoid those conversations. But something told Brock that doctor Odinson was going to continue to hint at the subject until he agreed to talk about it.  
“What do ya wanna know about him?” He finally asked as he folded his arms over his chest and mentally readying himself to put walls up if he didn’t like the questions asked.  
Thor smiled as he scribbled down something on his notepad about Brock being protective of his son.  
“What’s his name?” It was a simple enough question to start off with, even though Thor already knew the boy’s name since it was written in the file.  
“Alex… short for Alexander,”  
It was a nice name, Thor thought and he smiled as he wrote down something else.  
“Is it a family name?”  
Brock clicked his tongue, “No…”  
The short answers weren’t entirely what Thor had hoped for but at least Brock was keeping up the communication.  
“Who came up with the name? You or his mother?” Thor could remember when Nanna had been pregnant and her and Balder came up with so many names that neither really liked until Frigga had suggested Forseti.  
It didn’t go unnoticed the way Brock’s jaw tightened at the mention of Alex’s mother.  
“She didn’t want anything to do with him, I chose his name,” His voice was tight, clearly angry about the woman who had birthed his son.  
“I understand that she left shortly after your son was born?”  
There came a huff, “She up and left the moment she got out of hospital, and we haven’t seen her since,” Thor couldn’t blame him for being angry at her, “She was all for having a kid until she actually got pregnant..” He let out a loud exhale, “Had I not been over the moon she would have probably had an abortion,”  
Thor felt bad for both Brock and his son.  
“Where is Alex today?”  
“With the only person I’d ever trust to look after something so precious,” He ground out aggressively, he was all about done with this conversation if Thor was about to suggest that Jack wasn’t the right person to be looking after him.  
“That would be Jack Rollins?”  
Jack was Brock’s best friend, they had known each other since school. They had grown up together, when Brock got with his ex Jack wasn’t over the moon about it but tried to be happy for his friend. Then when he announced he was to be a father, Jack had told him he was going to be there for him no matter what since Brock’s ex was a lousy girlfriend and would be even worse as a mother.  
“Yeah and he’s the perfect person to be looking after Alex,”  
Again with the aggressivity, Thor nodded and jotted down some more notes concerning his patient’s attitude.  
“I never said he wasn’t, if you trust him then I don’t think there is a reason to judge that,”  
This time it was Brock who nodded with a satisfied smile on his face, “Damn right,”  
“You haven’t seen him since you were sent here have you?” Which would mean that the last time he saw his son, Alex was one. Thor couldn’t help but feel bad for Brock, being separated from his son so early.  
Brock’s face changed, his expression turned sad even if it was just for a moment. He was aware of how long it had been since he had seen his son, it just hurt more when someone else reminded him. However Jack was a great friend, whenever he came to visit he’d bring a photo of Alex for which he was extremely happy to receive.  
“One, kids weren’t allowed and two, I didn’t want Alex seeing me like that…” He answered truthfully.  
Thor paused for a moment in his writing to look up at his patient, Brock was looking completely miserable.  
“I have an idea,” He said as he sat back and placed his hands in his lap, “Now that you’re here, on this floor, you’re allowed to have Alex visit you.”  
Brock shook his head, he knew exactly where Thor was going with this, “No, I don’t want my son to see me in here…” For as much as he didn’t regret what he did, he did however feel ashamed that his son would have to tell everyone that his father was in a mental hospital.  
Thor nodded in understanding, he wouldn’t push Brock to accept but at least he knew there was a possibility that he could see his son now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life continues in the hospital... 
> 
> *** Things are not exactly how they should be illness wise, I am in no way a doctor but I have researched DID and PTSD. I'm sorry if anyone is offended or feels that I am not exact in my writing. ***

(Beginning January)

It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later just after the new year that Thor really noticed Loki for the first time. Thor was in the common room talking with one of his patients who had refused to be seen in his office so they were sat in a corner doing their session. Loki was sitting on the sofa talking with James, he seemed very aware of everything around him although seemed a little nervous, he was even well groomed, he wasn’t in pyjamas, he wore a green T-shirt and black trousers.  
He glanced back at Wade noticing he was looking ahead at nothing in particular, his short pause to think about the question Thor had asked turned out to be Wade disappearing into a daydream.  
“Wade,” Thor said, gaining the man’s attention, “Still with me?”   
Wade shook himself out of his daydream and nodded, “yeah m’still here,”   
“Do you want to stop for today?” Thor had learned not to push Wade when he drifted off, the man suffered from BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, he had mood swings which could last up to a couple of days. Today was one of those days where he was depressed, feeling detached from the world. Wade had been in an accident, a fire to be exact, which left his entire body badly burnt, that mixed with his BPD left his morale fairly low. He nodded sheepishly before drifting back into his daydream, it was clear that wherever he went in those dreams he was at some sort of peace. Thor hadn’t gotten that far yet with Wade as to know what he day dreamed about. There were a few notes in his file, claiming that Wade thought about his girlfriend he had left behind him after the accident.  
“We’ll leave it at that for today Wade okay?” He said with a smile as he patted his patient on the shoulder.  
Thor was beginning to know his timetable, he had a free hour before lunch today so he’d spend it hanging around with the patients.He stood from his chair and headed over to the two men who were talking. During the couple of months he had been there Thor had spoken to James a few times, mostly when Steve had been present.  
“Good afternoon Bucky”, He greeted, Thor had learned James preferred to be called Bucky, “How are you today?”   
The two of them stopped in mid conversation and turned their attention to the doctor.  
“I’m okay today Th-, I mean Dr Odinson,”   
Thor smiled, Steve had to remind Bucky a couple of times to call Thor by his professional name.  
“Who is your friend?” He asked turning his gaze to the darker haired man who sat with his hands in his lap and staring up at Thor with untrusting eyes.  
Bucky turned back to the other man and smiled weakly, “This is… L-l-l… dammit,” he muttered, “I know this,”   
“Loki” The other man said flatly to which Bucky scrunched his nose up at.  
“I knew it!” He grumbled loudly, gaining the attention of a couple of the other patients.  
“Hey it’s okay Bucky,” Thor said crouching down so he was at their height, “We all forget things,”   
James clenched his jaw but nodded, it was clear he wasn’t happy about it. Clint, another security agent was standing in the corner watching the exchange closely, ready to step in if needed. Sometimes Bucky could get worked up over nothing and the security agents would have to calm him down. When he saw that the veteran was calming down by himself Clint went back to his affairs and left Thor to it.  
“How are you feeling today Loki?” He asked casually,   
The young man narrowed his eyes as if determining if this doctor could be trusted.  
“I’m… well,” He answered, voice a little guarded.  
He would have happily sat down to join them for a chat but it was at that moment Tony walked in.  
“Thor I’m beginning to wonder if you have your own patients,” He said jokingly.  
He smiled and stood, noticing how Loki tensed as Tony walked over towards them, Bucky remained staring at the ground ignoring the doctor.  
“As a matter of fact I had a little spare time,”   
Tony nodded and smirked, “Well that makes one of us, I’m just here to get Loki,” he said gesturing towards him, “ready?” He asked, raising a brow to the young man.  
Thor watched as Loki’s face hardened, his expression turned cold as he looked up at Stark.  
“If we must,” His voice was tight which didn’t go unnoticed, apparently Tony had problems with everyone.  
It was after they left Thor sat down beside Bucky, “You still with us Buck?”   
“Only Steve calls me Buck,” He replied blankly.  
Thor nodded making a mental note, “Do you want me to go get Steve?”   
“Steve doesn’t work Wednesdays or Saturday evenings,” Bucky replied, voice slightly sad.  
Of course how could he forget that?  
“You’re close to Steve aren’t you,”  
He was able to have somewhat long normal conversations with Bucky which was always pleasant or at least whenever he wasn’t on high doses of meds.  
“He’s nice to me, doesn’t shout or give me orders,”   
Bucky was now facing Thor, a small smile upon his lips, he always had some sort of a smile on his face when he spoke about Steve.  
“Steve is a good friend, he isn't afraid of me when I have an episode,” Bucky said easily.  
Thor raised a brow, “You’ve had some bad ones?” He asked curiously.  
Bucky nodded shamefully, “I mean I know it isn’t my fault but… but sometimes I hurt people when they happen and then they get wary of me… not that I can blame them”   
This surprised Thor a little, “You’ve hurt Steve?”  
Bucky’s eyes went wide as he looked at Thor in shock, “No! I’ve hurt others but never Steve” He said feeling awful, he wasn’t proud of how he acted sometimes, “He is generally able to calm me down,” He added quietly.  
They were quiet for a moment before Bucky spoke again.  
“I’ve got group with Sam shortly,”  
There was one thing Thor had learned about Bucky and that was he had remained very punctual, something from the army. Even when he was having an off day, he’d remember everything he needed to do even if he couldn’t remember his own name.  
Thor accompanied Bucky to his group session before heading off to his office, he wanted to do a little reading. He managed to pull up Loki’s files and was a little taken back by what he read. At the young age of ten he had been committed to the hospital after murdering his father.  
At the time the young child had no recollection of the incident which was later explained as he was diagnosed with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). Apparently Loki had two other identities, one that had been present when the police arrived on the scene after they had been called, this one was described as cold, untrusting but the word that stood out the most to Thor was protective, this alter hadn’t let anyone communicate with the young boy until he had deemed them worthy and even then he manifested when the police or the social worker pushed Loki too far. This alter had introduced itself as Byleistr, the other known as Helblindi hadn’t actually been seen by anyone but with further talks with Byleistr it appeared that Helblindi had been the one to murder Laufey. In the files it was noted Helblindi was chaotic, dangerous and wild, not to be taken lightly, this had all come from Byleistr.  
Many of the doctors or police officers who had spoken to Loki over the years doubted that this other alter even existed since he had only manifested once and there were no witnesses to confirm that he did in fact reside within Loki.  
Thor’s stomach twisted when he read deeper into the file, it turned out that Loki had murdered his father because he had suffered so much physical and sexual abuse from the man since his youngest age. It always seemed to affect Thor more when he read about children, his empathy was greater when confronted with abused infants. His whole look on the subject had changed when Forseti was born, looking down at that innocent babe Thor couldn’t fathom how people could do that to children let alone their own flesh and blood. He swallowed down the emotions that bubbled within him and continued to read, he had to remain professional after all, besides there was no point in him getting angry about it since it wasn’t like he could punch the man responsible.  
There were many pages to Loki’s file, a lot of them were different opinions by the doctors who had evaluated him before arriving here and then from his previous doctor and Stark.  
\---

The next evening after dinner Thor noticed Loki sitting by himself in the common room, so he went over to him and sat down in one of the chairs opposite the sofa.  
“How are you Loki?” He asked calmly as not to startle the young man.  
As always he seemed to evaluate Thor, narrowing his eyes ever so slightly before deeming him worthy of an answer.  
“Okay,” His voice was quiet and he looked at his hands that lay in his lap.  
“Aren’t you supposed to be in bed?”   
Loki’s head suddenly shot up and his face went blank. Thor frowned a little but remained silent simply because he wasn’t sure what he had said wrong.  
“It’s okay Loki,” Came a voice from beside them, it was Peter, he seemed to get on well with Loki for which Thor was grateful tonight.  
Thor turned his confused gaze to the young man who smiled sympathetically, “We don’t say things like that,”   
It clicked in Thor’s head, what he had said and what he had read in his file.  
“Oh god, I feel like such an ass,” He muttered quietly.  
Peter continued to smile, “It happens to all the new doctors,”   
That didn’t make him feel any better, he didn’t want to be like all the others, he wanted to make a difference.  
His attention turned back to Loki who hadn’t moved, “Is he okay?”   
“He is currently between identities,” Peter explained, “It’s one of his triggers, if you had persisted Byleistr would have stepped in and probably told you to buzz off,”   
Thor nodded, it was all new knowledge and he was making mental notes.   
“Hello Dr Odinson,” Came Loki’s flat voice again, “You’re here late,”   
Peter smiled at Thor before excusing himself to carry on his rounds once everything was under control again.,  
“I generally work late,” he answered with a smile.  
This gained a nod and a small smile from the young man, “Your wife must be very understanding,”   
Thor continued to smile, he knew he wasn’t allowed to give away personal information so he politely ignored the statement.  
“How old are you Loki?”   
There was a small silence as the man seemed to think about it, “Twenty one,”   
It didn’t go unnoticed how Loki either replied flatly or quietly, this young man had been through a lot and the wounds still ran deep within him. Thor wasn’t sure if his therapy was making much of a difference since Loki still seemed to remain closed after all these years.  
“A fine age,” He commented lightly.  
A smile tugged at the corners of Loki’s mouth but it wasn’t enough to have him smiling fully.   
“Excuse me,” Loki said quietly as he got up and walked away down the hall. Thor let him go, he would have other moments to talk to the young man.  
“He’ll never tell you he's off to bed,” Peter said as he walked over to where Thor was getting up.  
“The trauma is still very present,” Thor said, understanding what Peter meant. From what he had read in Loki’s file, Laufey, Loki’s father, would use bedtime as an excuse for getting Loki into the bedroom.  
“Have you had any problems with Loki?”   
Peter smiled gently and shook his head, “Not with Loki but Byleistr, there have been a few incidents.”   
He knew that Peter wasn’t going to go into more detail simply because Thor wasn’t Loki’s doctor.  
As it was Thor hadn’t finished for the night, he had some paperwork to do and wanted to jot down some conclusions concerning some of his patients.   
“Night to you Peter,” Thor said before heading back to his office,   
“Don’t work too late,” He heard Peter call down the hall.  
Thor smiled to himself as he walked towards his office but didn’t turn. He shut the door and went over to his Pc where he began to note down some things about his sessions today. As he wrote he couldn’t help but think about Loki, he had been in this hospital for eleven years and the man was still closed off to the world. 

It was clear after a while Thor wasn’t going to get much work done, he sat back and stretched a little sighing peacefully when his back popped lightly but he couldn’t help but feel a little frustrated about the lack of work he had managed to do tonight. It was time for a coffee he thought, he got up and headed to the employee lounge where Peter was sitting quietly.  
“Hi again,” He said with a bright smile which made Thor smile in turn, “Still here?”   
Thor poured himself a mug of coffee before taking a seat beside Peter, “Yeah, trying to get some paperwork finished,”   
Peter nodded with a knowing smile, many of the doctors here hated to do their paperwork and some even left it to the last minute or didn’t do it at all which didn’t really help the patients in the long term.   
“Who are you working on?”   
“Brock…” He replied before taking a sip of his hot coffee, “there just isn’t enough in his previous file about him and I’m trying to get it all together to be able to understand him a little better,” Thor let out a loud exhale, “I mean I’ve got what the hospital doctors wrote, what happened at the police station but nothing from his previous doctor,”   
Peter hummed, “Many like him were patients of Doctor Thanos… you won’t find much in their files, he didn’t do his paperwork,”   
Thor had read about what happened to Doctor Thanos, it had been in all the newspapers so it was hard not to know. He was the only smudge on SHIELD’s reputation, a small smudge that had done a lot of damage.  
Thanos the doctor who overstepped the line. Abused his position as a psychiatrist, it had made Thor’s stomach twist when he had read about it. As if Loki hadn’t gone through enough, the man who was supposed to help him get over it but just ended up making it worse. Thanos only got away with it for so long because Loki didn’t dare speak about it, thankfully someone had noticed the bruises on his face after a while and reported their suspicions. It was only a matter of time after that Fury found out. The good doctor was now in prison where he belonged. It was strange because out of all the patients Thanos had he only ever abused Loki, it was probably because of his young age. It made Thanos feel powerful, he could knock Loki around without the young boy fighting back, the verbal abuse just went with it.   
Thor knew that Stark had been appointed to the teenager when Thanos had been arrested. Loki was fourteen years old and a complete shell, there was nothing left of the boy. Stark had reduced Loki’s medication for starters, it helped but Byleistr soon manifested and made things hard for the doctor. They didn’t get anywhere much because the alter didn’t trust Stark, he thought the man wasn’t any better than Thanos, he too had started off trusting and nice but then went on to show his true colours.  
Thor’s jaw clenched as he read through the notes about Loki’s most recent abuse, he had never met Thanos but he hated him. There was one thing Thor took to heart and that was his job, he did everything to help his patients, even those that to other people were beyond helping.  
He scribbled down a note on a post-it quickly that he had in his pocket: Get Loki to talk about Thanos  
“Hm, that explains a lot,” Thor mumbled tiredly as he raked his hand through his hair,   
They sat and talked for a while, Peter explained why he liked the night shift when Thor questioned him.  
“- Don’t get me wrong, I love her to pieces but she can be a bit… suffocating sometimes,” Peter admitted with a shrug, “When I’m asleep she leaves me alone,”   
Thor smirked,   
“Nights means that I start at six and finish at six… My aunt starts work at eight, I get home, have a chat with her and a cuddle then she leaves. I flunk down on my bed and goodnight,” Peter stretched his legs idly, “Then when I get up I do my thing,”   
He meant PCs.  
Thor finished his coffee and sighed, “I get it, you need your space from family… I was a lot like that as a teen,” a fond smile played on Thor’s lips, they were silent for a while until Thor looked at his watch and groaned at the late time, “well I’m going to call it a night, clearly not going to get any more work done tonight”   
Peter nodded and smiled politely, “You do seem to be putting in the hours,” He was actually impressed, not many of the other staff were as devoted as Thor was, “Night Thor,”   
He patted the young man on the shoulder before heading off down the hall, Scott was on the front desk like he generally was. The man was nice enough, maybe talked a little too much for Thor but he was pleasant, they had gone out for a few drinks with the other guys a couple of times.  
“Night Thor,” His voice cheerful as always and a smile to go with it,   
“You on the night shift again?” He asked stopping by the desk,   
Scott nodded, “Yeah, Luke asked to swap last minute… he has a date,” He told Thor with a quirk of his brow.  
“Lucky him,” Thor commented with a smile, “Well, have fun Scott, and say hello to your daughter for me,”   
They said goodnight before Thor walked out of the building and to his car. He ran his hand over his face, damn he was tired.  
\---  
Stark and Bucky weren’t on the best of terms, he couldn’t explain why he didn’t like Stark all that much he just didn’t. They worked together though simply because Bucky couldn’t be bothered to request having another doctor.   
“How are you feeling today James?” Tony asked as he always did at the beginning of every session.  
“Okay today,”  
Stark opened Bucky’s file and began to add notes.  
“I want to talk about life after the army,” He said as he peered up from his keyboard to look at his patient.  
Bucky nodded in response, he didn’t mind talking about what happened after he left the army. He looked around the white walled room before letting his eyes settle on his doctor.  
“Okay,”  
“So, you went back to live with your mother after you were discharged, yes?”   
They had done this before, in the years that Bucky had been there Stark had gone over almost his entire life. They started with the army, the most important for Stark, he needed to know what had happened over there. It had been hard to talk about at first, the trauma he had experienced was the reason he suffered from PTSD, it had completely ruined his life.   
“Yeah… I joined the army when I was twenty. I didn’t have my own place when I left so I didn’t have one when I came home… I was happy that mum wouldn’t have it any other way,”   
Tony nodded and continued to jot down notes, Bucky ignored what he was writing and he had come to the conclusion years ago that whatever Tony wrote down was of no interest, his professional opinion didn’t define who Bucky was.  
“It was… different, she was happy to have me home but…” He couldn’t quite find the words to explain how life had been at home, “She was scared of me…” He said simply as he furrowed his brow.   
“How do you mean she was scared of you?”   
He took a deep breath, even those memories weren’t good, “I’d have nightmares, she’d come in and wake me up… but she could see how they haunted me, she said once that I looked like a completely different person…” He gave a shrug and let himself fall back against his chair.  
There came a quiet hum from Stark as he continued to type away at his PC adding more notes to Bucky’s folder.   
“Continue James,”   
Bucky cleared his throat as he ran his hand through his longish hair, “it changed the way she looked at me in the end, especially when the episodes started. She didn’t mean it… I know that, she tried to help but that didn’t work out.”   
Stark sat back from his desk and observed Bucky quietly, “your first suicide attempt was…” he peered at Bucky’s folder, “two months after you got out,”   
The brunette nodded, “yeah, the nightmares were bad, I was finding it hard to adapt to my new job… then the panic attacks started,”   
It was clear Bucky was starting to feel uncomfortable, he fidgeted with his shirt as he looked around the room silently. Tony couldn’t help but feel a little bad for the guy, he had given his life for his country and come home alive to only have to be committed here.  
“Are you okay to continue?”  
Bucky nodded, “I slit my wrist…” He explained as he looked at the deep scar on his remaining wrist, “Mum found me… I had never seen her so disappointed,” The memory wasn’t a good one, it was selfish of him to want to end his life but to him it had been the only solution to his problems. His mother had unfortunately come home early and found him in the bath.   
“After that I was in hospital for a while, it was a pain in the ass to try and use my hand,” he chuckled hollowly, “I had to see a shrink before I could leave but I didn’t want to go home… so we thought it was better if I sort out help,”   
Tony knew what he meant, his first visit here. James had stayed just over two months, he made good progress during that time, they had been able to get him on the right medication and into group sessions to talk about the trauma of the army and his suicide attempt.  
“I was fine whilst I was here, then I left and shit began happening again…”


End file.
